Her Soul
by Hanny-Pete
Summary: When Bickslow notices Lucy's soul dimming, he confronts her about it, only to be manipulated into helping her fix it. Filled with love, angst, and jealousy, will Bickslow be able to help Lucy fix her soul? Or will she lose the one thing that makes the guild shine?
1. Her Soul

**Hey guys, this is my first Fairy Tail story, but I have loved it for so long. If there is any grammatical errors, feel free to let me know and I shall edit them out. Thoughts and flame are accepted, just keep it PG, there's only so much I can take haha**

**Enjoy (hopefully...)**

**Updated quote at the end.**

**...**

She had a beautiful soul. It wasn't a debatable topic, it was simply fact. Her soul seemed to shine as bright as the sun, blinding those left in her iridescent wake. But she wasn't so selfish as to keep all the warmth and brightness to herself, she seemed to radiate it, spreading joy and love wherever she went, whoever she met. She had the ability to change hearts with a simple smile, somehow worming her way into your own soul and making it glow as bright as her own, if only for a fleeting moment, making you wish all the more that she would stay. She made you want to be like her, even though it was impossible to match such an emotionally raw person. She was the type of woman who wore her soul like a second skin, or a suit of armour. Never having ulterior motives, she said what she meant, what she felt, the truth, she stood up for what she believed in, and when she did, she glowed so much more brightly, and fought so much more fiercely. She was the epitome of beauty, and not in such a fleeting 'good looks' kind of way, but a beauty that reached far deeper than that. She was beautiful in her soul. Her kindness knew no bounds, able to forgive a man who tore her life to pieces, a man who broke away at what little she had, piece by piece, and tried to sell it away to the highest bidder. She forgave her enemies. She reached out to people when no one else bothered to know about them, smiling that smile that made breaths hitch and throats tighten whilst she herself had no knowledge of the impact she had on the world, merely thinking she was just another ordinary young woman. She had never been so wrong. She stood out in a crowd. She wasn't one in a million; she was so much rarer than that, and so much more.

She would fall directly into harms way if it meant protecting her friends. Erza Scarlet may have said that 'we don't die for our friends, that we live for them', but I knew she would rather spend her last moments on Earthland fighting for another human being and dying in their place, if it meant her friends, her family, could live. It wasn't just her soul that displayed her morals; she herself had said that it was more fun when she was together with her friends, that she didn't want to run away by herself, and it broke me down when I realised how alone she must have been in her past to feel that way now. And it made me respect her all the more to see how brightly she could still shine, even after being broken so many times before. There was something about her, about her soul, that made people want to help her, to protect her, that's why I believe she can make most men bend to her whim, not because she was forceful or fear invoking, but because she somehow made you want to, she made you see why you had to help, why you should be the better man and save the people that no one else would, why you should put your life on the line to help someone, just so they didn't have to die. She made you want to prove yourself to her, to show her that you too could shine brightly like the sun, or at least the stars that she loved so much. That you could bring yourself up from the dark, dank gutters of your own morbid mind and make yourself be the person you never thought you could be.

But out of all these things about her, about her soul, there was one thing I could never understand. For someone who displayed herself exactly as she was, a light in the ever-present darkness of our hearts, there was still an edge to her. Like a daring drop that entices you to its edges before you know it and then you're too scared to take the leap, to know more. There was a darkness to her that she hid. That she hid from her face, her emotions, her actions, and the only reason I knew it was there was because it was like a scar on her soul. Like someone had placed a shadow over part of her and it wouldn't heal, not for anyone, not ever. It hurt me to think that this perfect specimen, with her golden beauty and her shining soul, could still be suffering. Her selflessness contradicted my own troubled mind on the observations I'd made, but there it was, plain as anything to anyone who could see souls as clearly as I. Her soul was tainted with flecks of irreparable pain, and I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. I had, after all, been one of the people to destroy her concept of family. I fought her. I hurt her nakama. I was part of the stain on her otherwise pristine soul. I wanted nothing more than to apologise to her, beg her to remain the shining light within the guild, to not let her past keep diming her soul, but alas, she was two too many steps ahead of me. Her forgiving heart had forgiven my sins before I could even repent properly. Before I could even try and earn her forgiveness. It left a sour taste in my mouth. To think she is this forgiving to everyone… it broke my heart. She was too kind, too sweet, too positive, and bright, and perfect. No one should be like that. No one like that should exist, and yet here she was, sitting mere tables away from me, lighting up the room with her exquisite laugh, the brightness of her face reflecting that of her team.

She may have been called weak, she may believe it herself, but she wasn't. She had one thing that no one else in the entire guild, in all of Fiore could possess, at least as far as I had travelled. She had a beautiful soul. A soul that, despite the years, would eternally bring light and love to those she surrounded herself with, and if you were one of those lucky few that made her smile like the sun, that she surrounded you with her ethereal soul, than you would be gifted for as many years as you could possibly live. Because that girl, that selfless, forgiving, bright girl, was all anyone could ever possibly need, and she didn't even know it.

**...**

_She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful for that sparkle in her eye when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul._

_~Unknown_

**...**

**Hey guys, I hope it was aright, I know there's no dialogue, it was just Bixy's thoughts on Lu-chan. Drop us a review/favourite if you enjoyed it.**

**Carry on you lovely readers.**


	2. His Choice

**Hey everyone! I wasn't initially going to continue this story because I like it as a one shot, and I usually get lazy and forget to update **(⊙﹏⊙) buuuuut I thought I'd give it shot.

**As always, if there are any errors, let me know and I shall fix them.**

**Enjoy! **

**...**

"Yo, Cosplayer." She turned at the familiar name, her fair hair flying around her like the rays of the sun.

"Bickslow? What is it?" Her melodic voice sounding concerned, her head tilted sideways, eyes shimmering in confusion.

"Ah… Never mind." How could I tell her? How could I say she was brilliant and bright? That I didn't want her soul to be tarnished anymore, that I wanted her to remember why love was so important, so necessary, without sounding outlandish? Manoeuvring away from her, I shuddered, the further away I was the further her soul's warmth receded, chilling my bones.

"Just tell her." Laxus muttered bluntly as he raised his mug of beer to his lips. '_Just tell her'_? How was one meant to invade another's privacy on such an emotional concern? Shaking my head, and shrivelling backwards into the booth, I closed my eyes. The only reprieve I had left. She was too bright, and yet, she was fading. My heart pounded painfully at the thought. The guild without her laugh, without her smile, my world would crumble.

"Umm, Bickslow?" Opening a lone eye behind my helmet, I was met with an iridescent smile. "You wanted to tell me something?" Drawing a sudden, shaking breath, I allowed my eyes to change to the colour that instilled fear in my enemies. With emerald green eyes, I looked through her until I found the only thing I'd been thinking off since the day I met her upon the rooftop. Shimmering like a dying star, her soul fought, clinging to the hopes and the dreams and the love she allowed herself. But it wasn't enough.

"Your soul is dimming." For a moment, she was silent. My mind faltered, _'why did I say that?'_ the question screaming in my mind. Her smile faded, a thing I'd rarely seen yet instantly decided didn't suit her. She looked thoughtful… Sad. Her fierce determination was decaying, breaking down.

"Dimming…" She remained silent once more, her eyes quizzical, wondering. I held my breath, waiting for her to react. To yell and scream at me for invading her privacy. But this wonderful, beautiful, dazzling woman surprised me once more.

"Can you help me fix it?"

Me, help her fix her soul when I was one of those who made irreparable scars upon it? How could she be so trusting? Her soul flared for a brief moment, love and affability emanating a dazzling light, empowering her. I receded further.

"No, I can't." Her face faltered once more, a look of fierce shame donning her pale cheeks as her eyes shifted downwards a moment. Shaking off her temporary change of demeanour, she smiled again, though this time, it was painful to see. A guard had gone up in her eyes, shielding her soul. My heart broke.

"I see. Never mind then." With one final upturn of her lips, she turned, beginning her trek back to her table before she stopped, half turning towards Laxus and I again.  
"You know, Bickslow... They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but I think they also tell a lot about a person's spirit. It breaks my heart that you hide who you are." With a flounce and a wave, she continued her retreat, her words echoing in her wake. _'Hide who I am?' _ My heart shuddered. Could she see into another too? Could she see their light and their love, what drove them onwards? It was hard suppressing the smile that forced its way to my face. Never had the shape of my lips felt so genuine, so real, and natural. I felt no need to tease, to extend my tongue, I was irrevocably touched by this wonderful woman and I had barely spoken to her. Rarely had I felt so whole, so bright and buoyant.  
"Cosplayer!" She turned, a smug smirk painting her ruby lips, she knew she'd won the round, "Tomorrow, ten o'clock?" Her smirk widened, her eyes shimmering with glee. I saw her soul light up once more, brighter than it had been all those years ago when we had first met. I felt drawn to her light, smiling more so at her affirmative response.

"Ten o'clock." Giving a wink, she flounced back to her table, sitting beside Natsu as his flames lit up the room. I couldn't help but notice that compared to Lucy's soul; Natsu's flames were dim. I just had to make sure it stayed that way.

**...**

_"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."_

_~Albert Einstein _

**...**

So, if you liked it or hated it, let me know. I'll only continue this if people enjoy it, if not, I'll scrap this minuscule chapter and keep it as a oneshot :)


	3. Their Beginning

**As always, let me know of any grammatical errors and I shall fix them :) Also, if you come up with a chapter name, and I love it, I shall rename the chapters and credit you in the following one :) **

**_And now, what does Lucy think?_**

**…**

_ Dear Mother,_

_ Today, Team Natsu spent their time in the Guild Hall instead of going on a mission. I always like those days, we just relax and catch up, and it's always a lot of fun._

Her pen faltered, thinking back to her time in the guild today, her mind focused on Bickslow and what he had said _'your soul is dimming…'_ What did that mean? What would happen if it went out? A frown creased her brow as she worried her lip between her teeth, thinking of what sort of help he could offer.

"I can do this!" She announced to the empty room, straightening abruptly from her chair and clenching her hands into fists in a fighting pose. With a decisive nod, she climbed into bed, abandoning the letter for now until the morning, her mind was racing far too fast for her to write properly. Pulling her duvet up under her chin, she smiled, thinking of what she'd seen of Bickslow that day.

"He has nice eyes." She mumbled to herself before blushing profusely and rolling her eyes at her own foolishness. At first, those vibrant green eyes had terrified her, it hadn't help that Loke had told her that if you looked into his eyes your soul would be manipulated like his dolls, since that day Lucy had tentatively avoided eye contact at all costs. But now, after seeing them light up, even behind his helmet as he evaluated her soul, she thought they were nice, that they reflected the spirit she'd seen in him, bright, yet hidden as if it scared even him.

Smiling softly as she thought of the brightness and strength she'd seen in his spirit, hidden away like his eyes, Lucy vowed to herself that while he was helping her repair her soul, she'd help him realise that sometimes believing in yourself was a risk you had to take. With that thought in mind, Lucy shrugged deeper under her blanket, her smile still present on her face.

**…**

Since joining the guild, waking up in the morning had always been an interesting, if not traumatising experience. In her drowsy state of mind, Lucy clung to the extra warmth emanating from her right, but when her mind finally realised that the heat on her face was from the sun, then the heat at her right must be…

"Natsu!" Lucy cried, knocking the sleeping man to the floor with an 'oompf!'

"What was that for Luce?" The man groaned, rubbing his head with one hand and his backside with the other. Grumbling incoherently, Lucy stomped out of bed and into her kitchen. She'd long-since grown accustomed to Natsu sneaking into her bed during the night, and though she'd never admit aloud that she quite liked the extra warmth and comfort he provided, especially in winter.  
"What do you want for breakfast?" She called out exasperatedly. She knew he'd hassle her until she cooked for him anyway, may as well cut out the middleman.

"Pancakes with chilli-flakes!" he called back at the same time that another voice cried "Fish!" Resisting the urge to slam her head repeatedly against the bench, she got to work, chatting with Natsu as he joined her in the kitchen. Smiling to herself, Lucy couldn't help but feel that this was her favourite part of the day, talking to her best friend and his cat with no one else around to start a fight or interrupt them.

"Done!" She called, placing the plates on the table and watching the pair eat with as much gusto as they brought to their fights, all the while hiding her smile behind her mug.

"Do you want to go on a mission today Luce?" dragged from her musings of the domestic scene, Lucy jolted, looking away a little guiltily, she had forgot to tell him about her training plans with Bickslow.

"Um, I can't… I have a thing with Bickslow."

"Oh. Okay." Natsu replied, and Lucy started slightly at the narrowing of his eyes and his somewhat possessive expression.

_'And he calls me weird'_ she thought to herself before raising her eyes to the clock.

"It's 9:30!" Lucy cried, jumping from her seat and rushing from the room.

"What's that mean?" Natsu asked, undertones of jealousy in his voice.

"Lucy's got a daaaaaate." Happy drawled, rolling his tongue with a smirk on his lips.  
"It's not a date! I'm meeting Bickslow at ten and he's going to help me with something!" Rushing around her room and gathering clothes into her arms, Lucy ran into her bathroom. Forgoing the bath for the much quicker shower, she rushed through her morning routine.

Unbeknownst to Lucy, Natsu tore through his chilli-cakes with an anger only known to him in fighting a particular enemy that hurt his friends. Happy watched on in amusement, knowing exactly what his partner was thinking.

Fifteen minutes later, Lucy emerged from the bathroom, hopping across the room as she pulled her boots on. Glancing into the kitchen, she noticed it empty and… clean? '_Since when is Natsu clean?' _ She thought to herself before shaking her head and tearing out the door and down the street towards the guild.

**…**

My mind was reeling. It was almost time, in a few moments she would walk through the door, she would search the guild for me, and afterwards, her soul would light up and she would smile and wave. My heart was pounding, waiting impatiently for her to enter, to light up the room. I hadn't realised how much I needed her soul in my presence, to remind me of the good within the world, and the extent to which that goodness could overcome all the terrible things, things I had seen and had done. My eyes found the door again, searching for her. It was almost ten, only a few minutes left. My heart beat faster, nerves cascading down my spine as a shudder rolled up it. _'What if I can't help her?'_ she was so expectant, I knew she hadn't even considered that I wouldn't be able to help her. I wasn't even sure of what to do myself. Gazing again at the clock, I felt my leg begin to bounce in anticipation as the doors burst open and the pink haired Dragonslayer marched in with a purpose.

"Would you stop with the leg bouncing?" Laxus grumbled beside me. I could feel the nerves his soul was emanating and I knew it was a response to my own. Laxus was always in tune with people and felt as they did.  
"Sorry." I muttered quietly, not really sorry at all but stopping the bouncing regardless.

A deafening slam resonated throughout the guild, silencing all conversations. I found myself looking up into the fierce onyx eyes of Natsu as he glared down at me as if I was an enemy. He looked into my eyes with a heat I had rarely experienced, and it felt as if he too could peer into another person's soul.  
"Don't hurt her." He growled out, his gaze piercing and a possessiveness to his voice I had never heard before.  
"I don't intend to." I mumbled back, confused and a little bit terrified. I knew Natsu, as most people did, as the happy-go-lucky, often dim-witted, guy who was too powerful for his own good. But right now, I saw the side I knew his enemies often did. His soul, like his magic, seemed to be embers of a flame, slowly growing and expanding and honing itself in anticipation of a fight. He seemed to size me up for a moment, his eyes never leaving my own before he nodded curtly and pushed away from the table, promptly exiting the guild, leaving charred floorboards in his wake.

Rising from my seat, the whole guild eyed my exit, confused as to Natsu's behaviour and unashamedly curious. Leaning against the outside wall of the guild, I didn't have to look up to know she had arrived. I could feel her presence as easily and as obviously as the sun's rays bearing down upon my head and shoulders.

"Ready?" She asked, a lightness to her voice in sync with the joyous flaring of her soul.  
"Ready."

**…**

_"The only downfall to having a good heart is that you're constantly looking for angels inside of demons. And they wonder why the good know so much pain."_

_~Unknown_

**_…_**

**Hey all, I hope you enjoyed this instalment. I updated it quickly because the other chapter was so short! And I will update again next week after my exams are finished :)**

**Drop us a like/review if you enjoyed it, or if you didn't, all opinions are appreciated.**

**ALSO! If you happen to know who wrote the quotes I couldn't find an author for, let me know and I'll add it in and credit you on the next chapter!**

**Happy reading~!**


	4. I See Love

**Hey everyone! This chapter will be from Bickslow's perspective :)**

**I hope you enjoy it! Again, if you can think of any good chapter names, feel free to let me know, ALSO! If you have an awesome quote that you think would fit in, let me know what it is and I shall put it in there and credit you while I'm at it!**

**Anyway, onto the story!**

**…**

"So, what are we doing today?" Lucy asked, looking up at me with joy shimmering in her eyes. She looked excited, bouncing as she walked down the path beside me, her soul flaring as brilliantly as her smile. It was contagious, and I found myself smiling with her.

"I thought that we should start with a reminder of the good in the world." I tried not to look at her but found myself staring from the corner of my eye. She looked puzzled, arms crossing across her chest and her finger tapping her chin.

"And what does that involve?" She looked up at me quizzically, the confusion marring her face adorably. I couldn't help the smirk that donned my lips as I looked down at her, bending my knees slightly in my stride to bump shoulders with her in a conspiring manner.

"You'll see." At the image of her disgruntled pout, my tongue slid from my lips as laughter bubbled from my throat, surprising even me, she simply had that way about her, making your soul flicker with joy as hers did. She rolled her eyes and we continued in silence, and I found myself searching her soul and seeking out the part that had bothered me initially. It was still there, the deep, dark gash, as if something had swiped at it, clawing it apart and leaving it blackened, bruised. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I noticed the park fast approaching.

"We're here." I stated simply, avoiding her gaze as I headed for the seat at the far end of the park, her following closely behind.

"Ah, Bickslow, what are we doing here?"

"I told you, I'm going to remind you of all the good in the world."

"And how exactly does a park do that?" She sounded sceptical, and a little irritated, as if I'd wasted her time on a prank. _'Gosh she's stubborn'_ I thought as I felt my eyes roll of their own volition.

"Just sit down would you." With an eye roll of her own, she followed my command and sat beside me, a respectable distance between us.

"Okay, the good in the world. Where is it?" She gave me her classic Lucy glare and I found myself shaking with laughter.

"All around you. Look." Physically turning her head so she was staring ahead of her, I asked, "What do you see?" She eyed me judgmentally from the corner of her eye before sighing slightly and doing as I asked.

"I see… Kids playing. Families having picnics together. People? What has this got to do with anything?" I couldn't help but smile sadly, I was right.  
"Would you like me to tell you what you're missing?" She gestured to the people in the park, motioning for me to continue.

"I see innocence. I see laughter, and love, and joy. So much joy. I see trust and respect. Look again Lucy, and tell me what you see." When I turned to her, her mouth was slightly agape, and she nodded fiercely, determination steeling in her eyes as she turned to face the park again.

"I want you to see it. I want you to see the care the parents have as they raise their children in the air. I want you to see the love the child has as they look at their parents and siblings. I need you to see it Lucy." I heard my own voice trail off as she concentrated on the families playing before her. Turning my attention to the scene as well, we watched as a boy no older than five years old tripped and fell, tumbling to the ground in a fantastic display of limbs. We heard his piercing cry as his mother raced to him, scooping him into her arms and kissing his tears away as she soothed him. I turned towards the girl beside me, a soft smile on her face and her soul shimmering below the surface, waiting and wanting to flare outwards with love, but she seemed to be containing it. I frowned.

"I can see it." She whispered, interrupting my train of thought, her eyes still on the scene, her expression filled with love and sadness. "I'd forgotten what that feels like." She was still whispering, but this time, it was filled with sadness and pain. She wiped her eyes before turning towards me, her soul wrapping around itself, comforting her.

"My mother used to kiss my knee when I fell over and grazed it." She looked wistful, her eyes filled with tears. "She said her kisses were magical and that they would heal me. My knee would never hurt as much after her kisses." She smiled through her sadness, her soul folding further and further around her, fighting desperately to comfort her. She was offering up a piece of herself to me, a piece, I was sure, she hadn't offered to many, if any at all.

"I don't remember my mother, but my elder sister used to do something similar for my younger sister and I." I was just as shocked as she was by my own admission. Blushing under my helmet, I focused intently on the people around us, rather than the girl beside me, gazing at me as if I was a rare gem. Seeming to notice her own rudeness, she forcibly turned her eyes elsewhere, a slight blush evident on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, about your mum, and the staring. I've never heard you talk about family before." I nodded, I could feel how embarrassed she was, she was an open book when it came to her emotions, but she was also genuinely saddened, and I knew I could trust her.

"I don't talk about them." She nodded in understanding, but she had offered that information to me about herself, and I would offer the same to her. "They both died. My elder sister and I fought a lot, but my younger sister… I really miss her. I miss both of them." She gently placed her hand over mine, giving it a squeeze before returning it to her own lap, her eyes seemed to hold understanding and sadness.

"I don't talk about my mother a lot. I write to her though, I tell her about everyone else and all our adventures, but I rarely tell anyone about her. Natsu probably knows the most, now that I think about it." Her voice trailed off thoughtfully, but I hadn't missed it. The flare in her soul as she spoke of her mother, it was soft and loving, but the moment she thought of Natsu, it ignited brighter, more passionately than I had seen her soul before. I was awed. It was as if when Natsu was in the picture, her soul wasn't as broken and bruised. Genius struck.

"Natsu really cares about you, you know." My voice was light, teasing, and it had the effect I'd desired, lightening the mood almost instantly. Her face brightened as she stuttered out nonsense of how it wasn't like that, but her soul shone irrevocably bright at the mention of the boy caring for her. _'I can work with this…'_

"Seriously Cosplayer, he confronted me this morning about you." Her face grew hotter, redder. I couldn't help the chuckle as my tongue rolled from my mouth.

"Stop it!" She whined, hiding her head in her hands. "I swear it isn't like that. We're best friends, that's all!"

"I don't believe you for a second, Cosplayer." I chuckled at her attempt to glare. "Come on, you can tell me." I couldn't stop the wink even if I'd tried. This was gold. Continuing to glare pathetically, she crossed her arms over her chest before giving in and slumping low.

"He just likes to spend a lot of time with me, but it's not like that, we're just friends!"

"And..?" I cajoled, waving her onwards with my hands, her soul was alight with mischief, so I knew I wasn't overstepping any boundaries. She considered me for a moment, weighing up her pros and cons before glancing around and leaning in, drawing me in as well.

"What I tell you, you can't tell anyone! Got it?" Nodding vehemently, she sighed.

"He likes to break into my house and climb into my bed. While I'm in it!" I laughed, I couldn't help it. Only Natsu would be so oblivious. She laughed with me until we were gasping for breath, holding each other upright.

"Seriously? That guy has no clue." She smiled, a genuine smile, and I felt my face falter. _'Why would she trust me with this?'_ I thought, letting the smile slip from my face.

"Because I can see that you're trustworthy." My eyes shot to her face, transfixed on the brilliant smile on her cheeks.

"Did I say that out loud?" She confirmed my fear with a nod before elaborating.

"I'm good at reading people, and I know I can trust you. Regardless of the fact that we don't speak a lot." She turned towards me, a soft smile on her lips as her shoulder bumped mine, "I can see your spirit, Bickslow." She turned her gaze back to the people rushing about the park before continuing. "Not like you see souls, at least I don't think so. It's something my mother taught me. She said a person was most genuine when they were on their own. When they had nothing to gain and nothing to lose. She said that in those times, if you concentrated really hard, you could see the persons true intentions." She turned back towards me, a reminiscent smile on her face, "Your intentions are pure. And if you'd like, I would love to be your friend." Her soul was shimmering the same way it had when she had asked for my help initially, filled with hope and affability. I nodded, unable to say no to such purity. She grinned wider, and for a few moments, the silence of our company and the children's laughter was enough.

"Tell me Cosplayer, what do you see now?" I watched her as she looked out at the dwindling crowds, the slowly setting sun gently caressing her face before the looming clouds overtook its dazzling rays. "Don't hold back this time. You need to let it out, think of everything you see before you, everything you feel, and tell me. What do you see?"

"I see love."

**…**

_"Nothing is quite as beautiful as someone who survived losing everything and still has a gentle heart."_

_~Unknown_

**…**

**I know a lot of quotes, but clearly not the writers of them! ****(****ಊ****)**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's the longest one yet, and there is plenty more to come. **

**Next up, Lucy tells Natsu about her day with Bickslow.**

**Happy reading~!**


	5. Of Fishing Holes and Dread

**Hello again readers! Thanks for the follows and alerts, I'm happy you like it.**

**Here's the next instalment, enjoy it, and don't forget to tell me what you think. This one will be more about Lucy and Natsu.**

**…**

"So, how was it?" Natsu asked through a mouthful of chilli curry.

"Well, it was actually really nice. We went to the park and just talked really." Lucy couldn't help but smile as she reflected on her day and the new friend she had officially made.

"Why couldn't you do that at the guild?" Natsu asked grumpily, somehow managing to pout despite his mouthful of food.

"He had to show me something, something I wouldn't have noticed at the guild. I see it there now though." Humming to herself, she picked up her empty plate and took it to the sink, desperately ignoring the daggers Natsu was staring into her back. She couldn't understand why he was acting this way, so she chose to ignore it until he chose to speak about it. That's the way they normally worked. There was never any prying, just trust.

"What was it?" He sounded genuinely curious, and I felt myself smile.

"Love." Behind me, I heard Natsu choking on his food and I resisted the smirk that wanted to force its way to my face.

_"What?!"_ Natsu cried, chair scraping against the floor as he stood up abruptly, eyes ablaze. Lucy chuckled as she turned to face him, leaning against her kitchen bench.

"I said, he showed me love. We went to the park and he showed me the love around us. Why, are you jealous?" His face reddened as he spluttered, trying to answer but failing miserably.

"No." He eventually mumbled, finding his seat once more and returning to his meal, eyes determinedly fixated on his plate and nothing else. Lucy smiled brightly and shared a look of amusement with Happy before returning to her domestic duties as the sky rumbled with thunder, shortly followed by a torrential downpour. Sighing to herself, Lucy turned to face her nakama.

"I suppose you two will be staying here tonight, now that it's raining?" Lucy asked rhetorically, turning to her partner, already expecting his affirmative reply as he nodded vehemently, Happy joining in too.

"Fine, but you have to sleep on the couch. Got it Natsu?" She eyed him sternly until he nodded in resignation. Lucy nodded to herself, knowing he would never stay on the couch, but hoping it would stick anyway. Leaving the kitchen, Lucy prepared herself for bed, hearing Natsu speak softly with Happy before seemingly taking his plate to the sink, and judging by the sound of running water, rinsing it off. Lucy's eyebrows rose slightly, _'He's cleaning up, again?'_ She thought to herself in surprise, shocked at the slight changes she had seen in Natsu the last couple of days. Sitting down on the couch and waiting for him to finish up, Lucy decided to ask him about it, not letting up until she got a satisfactory answer.

"Hey Natsu?" Lucy called as the man in question exited her kitchen and plopped down on the couch, sitting beside the girl and pulling the blanket Lucy had gotten for him over himself and letting Happy snuggle into his lap.

"What?" He responded, preoccupied with preparing his pillow now, stoically ignoring the girl beside him.

"Why are you cleaning up all of a sudden?" Lucy had never heard such a heavy silence and she waited patiently for Natsu to answer.

"Umm, I dunno."

"Natsuuuu~" She groaned, "Please? Why are you doing it? I'm really curious." She felt the room heat up slightly and attributed it to Natsu's embarrassment.

"I… Well, I know you don't like the mess and well… I kind of, well I usually make the place messy and you're always cleaning my house, so I guess I thought I'd um… Return the favour?" It sounded more like a question but Lucy felt herself smiling at the answer anyway, watching as he focused on anything but her. "Thanks Natsu, that's so thoughtful!" Without even thinking, Lucy leaned over and kissed his cheek. Both teens froze instantly.

_'Why did I do that?! Why did I do that?!' _Lucy screamed internally. Meanwhile, Natsu was fighting desperately at the newfound and unwanted urge to grab Lucy's face and kiss her properly.

_"What is wrong with me?! What is wrong with me?!'_ He found himself screaming inside his head. Both teens pulled back abruptly, faces identically red as they awkwardly bid each other good night and slipped into their separate sleeping arrangements, Happy hiding his laughter behind his paws.

**…**

Lucy awoke that morning feeling warm and content. She snuggled more deeply under her covers and smiled. The sun was fighting against the clouds and the sky offered the visage of potential rain, but Lucy couldn't care less as she shrugged to her right, seeking the additional heat coming from that direction. Cracking open a lone eye, Lucy spied her partner sleeping beside her and felt irritation bubble within her.

"Natsu!" she cried, elbowing him in the ribs and causing the male to cringe and grab blindly at the object inflicting pain on his person.

"Luuuuce…" He whined, voice groggy and deeper from sleep. He lashed out and Lucy shrieked, expecting to be elbowed in return but he simply wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tightly. "Stop it." He murmured in her ear, and Lucy felt her face boiling.

"Natsu! Get off me!" The shrill tone in her voice must have sparked some sort of recognition in the male and he jolted awake with a start, jumping from the bed.

"What are you doing in my bed? I thought I told you that you were on the couch!" The boy withered under her heated gaze, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly and quietly mumbling something.

"What?" Lucy called, arms folded over her chest and a 'no-nonsense' stare directed towards him.

"I said, you were whimpering. I was trying to make you feel better." He looked defiant, clearly waiting for her to explode, but she didn't. Lucy gazed upon Natsu thoughtfully.  
"I was?"

"Yeah, kept mumbling about stuff but I didn't understand it all." He looked away from her towards the kitchen before turning back. "Come on, let's go to the guild for breakfast!" He smiled so brightly that Lucy felt her own face lighting up, her irritation immediately forgotten.

"Mmm, sounds good."

**…**

Entering the guild hall, Natsu slammed the doors open and called out an exuberant, "Good morning!" To which the members present replied in kind. Seating himself at the bar, Lucy followed, but she found herself looking around for Bickslow, finding him sitting with Laxus and Fried. She sat herself beside Natsu, ordering her usual milkshake with an addition of toast, before Natsu turned to look at her.

"Do you want to fish with me and Happy today, Luce?" His smile was infectious, as it always was and Lucy found it hard to refuse him.

"I was planning on training with Bickslow again today. Maybe he could come too and all four of us could go?" Natsu's face seemed to be struggling to express everything he was feeling. His smile faltered slightly, his face became stony and grave, if Lucy didn't know Natsu as well as she did, she would describe his expression as murderous. But within an instant he was his usual self again, so Lucy shook her head, ignoring what she decided was a trick of the light.

"Yeah, okay." He seemed less exuberant than before but Lucy didn't seem to notice this time, smiling widely at him before flouncing off toward the table containing the Raijinshuu.

Lucy found it hard to contain her smile and glee as she approached Bickslow. On her way home the evening before, she found herself noticing couples sharing loving glances, the sounds of laughter and joy, and she couldn't even count how many smiles she received. She felt wounded that she had stopped noticing these things in the first place, and she was eager to continue training with Bickslow. What she wanted more than anything was to see all the joy she had missed in the lives that surrounded her, right now, that was her top priority.

Approaching the Raijinshuu was an intimidating task, and regardless of whether or not they'd become friendlier as of late, Lucy felt somewhat nervous. A million questions rushed through her mind; did the Raijinshuu even know about her meeting with Bickslow? Would he deny it to them? Would they tease her? Lucy's heart was pounding as she reached the table, forcing a quivering smile to her face; she gave everyone a wave and a quiet hello. Fried returned the greeting promptly and Laxus gave a slight upturn of his lip in response, but Lucy was focused on Bickslow.

"What's up, Cosplayer?" Pleased that she had been acknowledged, she relaxed and smiled more widely.

"Hey Bickslow, I was wondering when we could meet up again, to continue training?" Her question was met with silent contemplation as he considered it. "Natsu asked me to go fishing, but I thought you could come and we could all go together." Lucy continued, the silence radiating from the table forced the smile to slip from her lips, and she felt like perhaps she had done something wrong. Before she had a chance to backtrack and retract the offer, Bickslow was on his feet, arms spread outwards and an enormous smile on his lips.

"Let's go." His tongue rolled from his lips, displaying his guild mark and Lucy couldn't help but smile back. Bickslow excused himself from conversation with his team before joining Lucy as they paced back to the bar.

Before the pair reached Natsu, the boy turned on his seat to face them, a stern expression marring his features. Lucy almost stumbled at the anger simmering in his eyes that were fixated on Bickslow, beside her, Bickslow tensed.

"Bickslow said he could join us, that's okay, right?" Even though Natsu had responded affirmatively before, the vibe she was receiving now was anything but pleased.

"Yeah, he can come." His voice was emotionless as he rose from his seat and called out to Happy, who had spent his morning with Charle, his gaze never wavering from Bickslow. Lucy and Bickslow exchanged a glance before following Natsu and Happy out of the door.

…

The walk to the fishing hole was silent, only broken by the sounds of the ground crunching beneath their feet. Disliking the tension in the air, Lucy decided to break it.

"So Bickslow, what did you have in mind for today?" She felt joyous despite the tense atmosphere, and couldn't restrain it from her voice as she asked him.

"Well, I've shown you the good in the world. I think it's time I found out what's damaged your soul." Lucy's smile faltered. His voice was serious, and his eyes never left the path as he spoke.

"What do you mean?" Lucy could hear the hesitance in her own question. It was only then that he looked at her, a sad smile on his face.

"I've been learning a new spell, one that let's you look at the components of a person's soul. With it, I'll be able to travel through your mind and memories with you, and we can work out what has been making your soul dim. Then, we can fix it." He smiled sombrely, and Lucy felt her heart race in anticipation of the exercise. Swallowing her nerves and nodding her head, Lucy focused on the path ahead of her, dreading what was to come.

…

_"And even if you're not here to stay, I'm happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by."_

_~Unknown_

**…**

**Phew! That was a long one! Let me know what you think, yeah? As always, any grammatical errors can be fixed up, if you spot them, let me know.**


	6. Her First Heartbreak

**Wow! 6 chapters! I am stoked that this has gone as far as it has, considering I was only meaning for it to be a one-shot! A massive heartfelt thank you to anyone and everyone who has read this story and taken the time to favourite, follow, or review it, it honestly means the world to me and motivates me to finish. You're my inspiration 3 **

** As always, any grammatical errors you notice can be removed if you just let me know what you spot.**

**As for this chapter, let's get cracking!**

** …**

Bickslow could have felt Lucy's scepticism from the other side of Magnolia. Her soul was pulsating, throbbing in anticipation and nervousness as she sat, cross-legged before him. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but he felt just as nervous. He had only become aware of this spell a few days before he first confronted her and had only just managed to get it right twice last night while he was practising. Swallowing his nerves and ignoring the daggers Natsu was shooting him, he breathed deeply.

"Okay Cosplayer, I need you to close your eyes and relax. Just breathe. Focus on the magical energy pulsing in the air and allow it to flow through you." While Lucy focused on her meditation, Bickslow made himself comfortable in front of her, mimicking her sitting position. He kept his eyes on the girl before him as she breathed deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, her face appearing relaxed, but her body tense.

"You have to relax Lucy, it won't work otherwise." He knew his voice had startled her. She peeped open a lone eye and gave him a glare.

"It's difficult to relax when you said I'm going to relive all the bad things I've experienced." She almost sounded angry, her soul flashing in accordance with her dialogue.

"I'll be there with you, if that helps." He heard his own voice trailing off as she flashed him a look he couldn't quite decipher.

"Can I help at all?" Bickslow started slightly and turned to see Natsu standing a few feet behind him.

"What..?"

"I mean, is there something I can do? Help calm her or something, maybe I could come too and make sure she's alright."

"I'm not sure I can send multiple…"

"Can you try?" He made it sound so obvious and Bickslow bit back the hot retort that was trying to worm its way up his throat. Looking from Natsu to Lucy, Bickslow silently asked the girl if she was okay with this. She was looking up at the pinkette with a guarded expression, her eyes evaluating her options, before suddenly her face split into a shy smile. Bickslow understood it in that moment. Lucy was happy to let him help her, but she wasn't ready to let him into her world completely. Natsu, on the other hand, was her best friend; he knew almost everything about her and her life. He helped her when she was struggling, he supported her when she was in pain, and most importantly, he cheered her up when she was sad. Natsu was an integral piece in fixing her soul, and the flaring warmth he was feeling emanating from the girl confirmed his suspicions. She needed him. Bickslow turned back to Natsu with a smile.

"I think we can make that work, if Lucy agrees." The girl blushed somewhat, but nodded nonetheless, and Natsu sat down, making an awkward triangle between the three of them. Happy made a sound of protest over by the fishing poles, but his voice went unheard.

"Okay, so we all need to connect to each other and be concentrating on the same thing if this is going to work."

"Connect to each other?" Lucy sounded more curious than concerned now, seemingly calmer with Natsu's presence.

"Hold hands." He noticed the slight blush dusting both teens' cheeks as they glanced at each other before looking away abruptly. _'This is going to be interesting'_ Bickslow thought as he fought the smirk that wanted to make itself known, but alas, the two teens did as he had asked and were now waiting for his next instruction.

"Now we need to concentrate on a common goal. It'll be harder with three of us, but Natsu, try and think of Lucy and her soul and everything that makes her who she is. Lucy, I need you to think of your soul too, but a little differently. I need you to focus on what I've told you about it. I need you to envision it with its scarring, but focus specifically on the dark parts and everything that has damaged you." Bickslow watched as the two closed their eyes, clearly focusing on what he had instructed them to. After a few moments, he silently activated his figure eyes, watching as their souls flickered, flaring outwards and sparking off the others. He watched as the light, shimmering soul of Lucy collided with Natsu's fiery soul, fighting for dominance, before seeming to fuse together. Bickslow smiled at the warmth he felt from their fused souls. Together, they danced, like the outermost edges of the flame, but it burned as if their souls were the hottest part of the fire, radiating warmth and hominess. Bickslow couldn't help but smile at their compatibility.

Bickslow closed his eyes and focused his magical energy, warping his own soul to expand and consume the fusion of Natsu and Lucy's souls. He heard her gasp, and he felt Natsu's grip in his own hand tighten somewhat, and he knew the first stages of his spell were beginning to work.

"Teste anima. Teste dolor. Sana animam."

…

"Where are we?" Lucy asked as she rubbed her bruised backside. The last thing she could recall was sitting in a triangle holding Natsu and Bickslow's hands, and the next moment she was slammed into the floor in a seemingly dark room. Once her eyes had adjusted, she could see it was a bedroom. The shaking form of a person took shape on what appeared to be a bed. Sobbing ripped through the air and all three pairs of eyes turned to the small frame.

"Where are we?" Lucy reiterated in a whisper, looking desperately towards Bickslow.

"We're in your memories Lucy, this is your past, or at least what you remember it to be." Bickslow replied quietly, a sad tone in his voice as he looked out towards the small figure. Natsu lit a small fire on his fist and the three of them moved forward quietly. The small figure turned out to be a small girl, huddled deeply under her pink bed covers. She was crying as if her world was falling apart, a modest black dress adorned a dress mannequin in the corner of the room. Lucy gasped and the boys both turned to her, her hand covering her open mouth and her eyes fearfully wide.

"What is it Luce, do you know when this is?" Natsu asked softly, fighting the urge to wrap her up in his arms. Lucy nodded, tears filling her eyes.

"I think this is after mama died, before the funeral." Her voice was barely audible, but in the near silent room, it sounded like a shout. Bickslow focused solely on Lucy, narrowing his gaze so all he could see was her soul, filling her body with soothing light. It was no longer the shimmering gold that it was when she was most trusting and excited, it was dimmer, colder, not quite reaching all the way out into her extremities, but curling and shimmering, trying the warm her heart, as it swirled around as if with open arms attempting to embrace her. Bickslow noted that the gash in her soul seemed most prominent in this moment, as if this was when it first began and her soul recognised that. It was like the darkness was trying to take over, trying to break her while the other parts of soul attempted comfort. Bickslow let his gaze waver from her soul to the girl herself. She had long given up on trying to hold her emotions in and was crying silently as she looked on. Natsu looked torn between wanting to comfort her and not knowing if she wanted his interference, Bickslow had never recalled a moment when Natsu had seemed so unsure of himself. Locking eyes with the young man, the Bickslow gave the fire mage a slight nod of confirmation. At that, Natsu's fire instantly died and he drew the broken woman into his arms. She clung to him as if her life depended on it, all the pain and sadness she had experienced at this time in her life came gushing back to her and she was left a quivering mess, no better than the child who had cried herself into a fitful sleep in front of them. Bickslow knew that when someone cried silently, it meant they couldn't stop, and he almost felt pained for putting the girl through this. Steeling his resole, he focused on her soul once more, noting somewhat happily that it had warmed and expanded slightly with Natsu's assistance. It was almost as if her soul was feeding off of his, soothing her like the flame soothes the cold.

Still reeling from the image of the broken hearted child, Bickslow began to understand more why her soul was tarnished the way at was, nodding his head to himself, he concentrated on her soul once more, searching the scarring for the next moment to cause her pain.

The scene before them flashed a blinding white, forcing the three to close their eyes at the assault on their senses. When they had sufficiently recovered, blinking white spots away from their vision, they stood in what appeared to be an office, the visage of a middle aged man with dirty blonde and a moustache working diligently at his desk. Lucy pulled away from Natsu to take in their new environment with her puffy red eyes.

"This was Papa's office." She spoke quietly, a small hiccup breaking her sentence up. Not a moment after she had spoken did a small blonde girl come running into the office, carrying a rice ball with a face decorating it. The girl looked ecstatic, and Bickslow chanced a glance at Lucy as she watched her younger self, full of glee, run towards her father. They watched as little Lucy held the ball up to her father, telling him he shouldn't work on an empty stomach. Her excitement was palpable, and Bickslow smiled softly, wondering why this memory would have damaged her at all. It was only a moment later that he knew.

Jude Heartfilia's eye twitched, slapping the rice ball from his desk. Little Lucy's quivering voice, trying to tell him it was her birthday, that she had made the rice ball herself, went unheard as he continued screeching at her, demanding no more interruptions. Bickslow's heart went out to the little girl as her lips trembled, eyes filled with agony and betrayal. She turned and ran, her fathers voice following behind her. The slamming of his office door resonated in his ears, and they were transported outside, to where the little girl was weeping, clutching a hand to her heart. She sat before her mother's tombstone, an angel statue rising high, as if reaching out towards the heavens, arms outstretched in an open embrace that the woman herself could no longer supply.

"Mama, it's my birthday today. I wish you were here still…" Her quivering voice trailed off into broken sobs. Her tiny frame was wracking violently with the magnitude of her sorrow, and it wasn't long before she screamed loudly, face towards the sky. The scene was heart wrenching, a lone child begging for her mother to come back, to wrap her arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. But Layla never returned and the young child curled into a ball at the base of the statue, her tears had fallen so suddenly and so strongly that she was left exhausted, unable to move, she fell into a deep sleep.

The scene went dark again, and they hung in the limbo between Lucy's memories. Lucy wasn't crying anymore, but she still looked just as upset. She was standing defiantly, her soul swirling around her so brightly Bickslow would be surprised if Natsu couldn't sense it too.

"Are you okay Luce?" Natsu asked quietly, a hand rubbing her back consolingly.

"Yeah." She said quietly, her voice soft and causing an aching sensation to reside in Bickslow's chest. He knew this would be difficult, but if he was ever going to understand, it had to be done. Focusing once again on her soul, he picked through her sadness as if it was a festering wound and located the next memory they needed to witness.

"Are you ready to move on?" He asked quietly, knowing that this was immeasurable difficult.

"Yeah." She muttered, her voice hoarse but her eyes and posture were strong.

The world spun before them, shimmering in and out of focus as if someone was flicking through the pages of Lucy's life. When the scene became tangible, they were met with Lucy as a young woman, not much younger than she was now, pacing back and forth in her bedroom. The sun was slowly setting outside the window and she was muttering to herself, seeming to weigh up her options.

"Do you remember this?" Bickslow asked, referring to the pacing woman and what she was feeling at the time. Lucy smiled at Bickslow, nodding her head.

"This was when I finally decided to run away from home." The three of them looked on, watching as the younger Lucy pulled a pose reflecting determination, before shaking her head and continuing to pace. Mumblings of 'I'm gonna do it' and 'I can't do it' met their ears on a constant loop.

"Isn't this a good memory then?" Natsu asked, unknowingly voicing Bickslow's own confusion.

"Well yeah, but he's still my dad, and it was really hard to just leave." She watched her younger self continue her pacing. The reality of her inner turmoil about initially leaving home struck home for the two men. It was easy enough to say you were going to leave, to run away, but when it came down to it, when you actually packed your bags and walked out the door, never to return, never to see your last living relative again, your own father, it was far more difficult to fathom. Bickslow nodded in understanding. Her father hadn't appeared to be outwardly abusive, but the emotional and psychological damage he inflicted upon Lucy would have been enough to tear a hole in the earth. Bickslow had finally realised what had torn her soul so dramatically. Everyone lost parts of their happiness when loved ones died, when friends left, when they failed at something they tried so hard at, but when the people we love and need turn their backs on us, ignore us in order to focus on themselves, that is when the soul can't repair. For how can you heal a wound when all the happiness and love is taken from you? Lucy's father had unknowingly condemned her to a life with a scarred soul, and it enraged Bickslow to think of how much Lucy had lost because of his indifference. She had lost a confidant, a parent, a friend, but most importantly, his rejection had forced her hand and resulted in her losing the most important thing anyone could own. She lost her ability to love. Sure, she loved her guild, and she loved the members of Fairy Tail, but that was more of a platonic loving. Lucy had lost something far more fundamental. She had lost the ability to love passionately, to love unconditionally without the fear of rejection and pain. Watching as she paced back and forth, Bickslow fought back the urge to hit something.

"Lucy-sama?" Came a polite, elderly voice from the closed door, accompanied by a timid knock.

"Come in Spetto, and what did I tell you about calling me Lucy-sama?" The young woman replied as the old maid opened the door slightly, smiling sadly towards Lucy.

"Your father wishes to see you in his study, immediately." She sounded concerned, but the three watched as Lucy forced a smile to her face, exiting her room and placing a hand on Spetto's shoulder as she walked out, not saying a word.

The scene changed once more, and the three of them stood in the now familiar study. It was slightly darker than it had been in the earlier memory, as if all of the happiness had been sucked out of the Heartfilia Konzern. At the far end of the room, watching the sunset behind the stained glass, he spoke, not even turning to face his daughter.

"Lucy, I have an opportunity to expand the company. What I require from you is to attend a banquet with me tomorrow evening wherein you will meet a young Lord, the son of my business partner. The two of you will be wed by the end of the month, thus tripling my fortunes." As Jude had spoken through his monologue, he was unable to watch his daughter's face elicit emotions of sadness, outrage, and objection, before finally settling into determination.

"You are dismissed." Jude continued, effectively cutting off any protest the girl could possibly make.

"Yes father." She responded, turning to exit, the look of determination seeming to have settled on her features permanently, like a mask moulded into her flesh.

...

"I will not marry him!" The girl yelled, continuing her pacing from where she had left off in her bedroom. After her meeting with her father, she had returned to her room, and after a few more rounds of pacing, the young woman stopped. This time, the three watching on knew she was ready. Her stance was different, her back straight and head held high, fiery resolve in her eyes. She walked with pride and purpose to her wardrobe, an already packed bag lying in anticipation. Slinging it over her shoulders she walked towards the window, her pace confident and strong. Pushing open the panels of glass and pulling herself up onto the windows ledge, she turned, casting a longing look into her room, gaze focused on the door, as if hoping her father would come running in and announce a change of mind. After a few silent minutes, the girl's eyes turned downcast, loneliness radiating off her in waves as she cast a pained look at a framed photo before carefully lowering herself out of the window. The scene went dark once more, the memory having ended. Bickslow looked towards Lucy, her sadness in the memory now mirrored on her own face. Turning towards both males, she smiled.

"I'm okay." She reinforced, but her smile dropped as if she couldn't hold it in place any longer and her eyes were dim. Not for the first time, Bickslow questioned whether this exercise would actually help her, rather than break her into a million shards of glass. Focusing on her soul, he could see once more that it was swirling in her core, warming her heart.

"Bickslow, I'm okay. We need to do this to fix my soul, don't we? So lets do it." She nodded resolutely, stoically honing her emotions so you saw only what she was willing you to see. But Bickslow could see her turmoil. He could see her soul screaming for it to stop, but he couldn't. She was right. In the end, this was the best way to understand what had damaged her, and in turn, the best way to fix it. Steeling his resolve with the knowledge that he was helping her rather than hurting her, he focused on her soul for a fourth time, digging deep into the scars left there and searching for the next moment to tear her soul apart.

…

_"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."_

_~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross_

…

**The spell Bickslow uses is merely an English to Latin translation. I don't speak Latin so it is probably off, but he says; "Witness the soul. Witness the pain. Heal the heart."**

**I was going to do all of the bad memories in one chapter, but it was super doper long so I split them up and will upload the two chapters in quick succession. I hope it still flows nicely.**


	7. His Contribution

**To all of those who continue to review, favourite, or follow, you da real MVP! And I hope I never let you down.**

**Onwards and outwards! Chapter 7!**

…

The scene before them lit up with vivid colour, a stark contrast to the memories they had seen thus far. They found themselves hovering down the streets of Magnolia as the memory versions of Gray and Natsu bickered, Lucy hugged Plue to her chest, and Erza lugged her trailer of luggage behind them. The dialogue was slightly muffled, as if parts of it were forgotten. They watched as the younger Natsu struck a familiar 'thumbs-up' pose, before the dialogue finally cleared up and his loud voice reached their ears.

"Put together me, Happy, Erza, and underpants-man, and there's no job we can't do!" He proclaimed loudly in a small circle with the four of them. Gray protested the nickname, Erza claimed the team members reassured her, and Happy signified his agreement with his customary 'aye!' Watching as the younger Lucy screamed that they were 'forgetting someone', Bickslow felt a surge of rage he was unfamiliar with. Natsu had intentionally ignored Lucy, sure, he had claimed it as a joke afterwards, and Erza had demanded punishment for getting carried away and forgetting her, but Bickslow could see the pang of pain on the girls face. The thoughts she tried to keep hidden were openly displayed by her body language and soul. That joke had hurt Lucy more than she let on. Bickslow knew that part of the reason she felt herself so weak would stem from that moment. Sure, she was in a team with monsters who were praised for their strength, but no one ever outwardly complimented the level headed young girl who often thought her way out of tricky situations rather than relying on brute strength as the others did. Casting a glare at Natsu that made him lower his head in shame, Bickslow refocused on the memory before them.

The memory skipped ahead a few moments, stopping when the quintuple reached the guild hall. Fairy Tail stood tall before them, impaled on metal poles that reached from one side of the hall to the other, and seemed to shimmer with malice and spite. The embodiment of their home and family had been damaged, broken and beaten. Bickslow watched as Lucy's soul radiated agony. Twice her home had been stolen from her. Bickslow wondered how she ever managed to forgive Gajeel for his deeds in Phantom Lord, on what he had seen, this moment was one of the ones to cause the greatest scarring on the young girls soul. As Bickslow focused on the younger Lucy, he could see her soul tearing apart, as if the darkness was attempting to swallow it whole. He knew, however, that things were only going to progress worse from here. He himself hadn't been present when Phantom Lord had attacked Fairy Tail, but from the stories he had heard, it was of the most brutal attacks a guild had ever made on another in his lifetime.

The scene jumped to Magnolia Southgate Park, as Team Natsu pushed through a crowd of terrified onlookers. Reaching the front, even Bickslow couldn't restrain the rage he felt at seeing Team Shadowgear crucified on the tree, the guild mark of Phantom Lord painted on the blunette's bruised stomach. He forced his eyes to look from the heartbreaking scene to Lucy, her hand over her mouth as she cried for her beaten friend, her soul reaching out as if to offer comfort not only to herself, but the rest of Team Natsu who were shaking with rage. It almost came as a relief to Bickslow when Master Makarov declared war on Phantom Lord.

Once more the scene jumped forwards, they now stood in a back alley as Lucy faced Juvia and Sol. Despite the rain pouring in the memory, the three onlookers remained dry.

"This is weird." Natsu muttered, his hand outreached as the rain seemed to pass through it. He'd recovered from his bout of shame and anger and now merely looked exhausted.

"It's because we're not actually in the memory and therefore we're not actually in the rain." Bickslow clarified, before directing his attention to the mages before him.

"How dare you do such a thing to Levy-chan?!" Lucy cried in the memory, just before Juvia cast her into a water lock before the scene went dark, Bickslow noticed the keys that had fallen from Lucy's grasp and he saw her soul reaching for them, trying to connect with them.

…

They now stood in a room made of stone, like an archaic prison cell. The room seemed to sway back and forth, and glancing out of the open archway to his left, Bickslow could see they were in a tower. On the floor, Lucy sat, hands bound behind her back, looking around herself, confused. Her heartbeat was palpable, her soul pulsating in time with its hurried beats as fear descended on her like a tonne of bricks. A deep voice from the doorway seemed to send her heart and mind into even more of a frenzy as her soul began to whiz around inside of her.

"I am the guild master of Phantom Lord, Jose." Her soul seemed to stop. Fear freezing it almost entirely though she remained outwardly calm. A conversation passed back and forth between the two, it was only when Lucy discovered he was after her, and called her by her full name, did the true panic settle in. Her eyes widened, her body was tense, her soul was moving once more but it was faster than Bickslow had ever seen it before. As if it was fuelling her, giving her strength to fly or fight, waiting for Lucy to make her choice. Though Bickslow found himself unprepared for the choice he witnessed. All strength seemed to leave her, slumping forwards, her eyes clenched tightly closed as she shook in rage at the damage her father was still doing to her. Fooling the old master and attacking him unawares, Lucy ran for the open archway, only then discovering that it was a sky cell. She seemed to weigh up her options, memories of her old life with her father flashing before her eyes far to fast for the three invaders to take all of it in. Her soul seemed to whimper, curling itself in until it formed a small ball in the pit of her stomach, almost as if it didn't exist at all. Resignation fell on Lucy's face as she closed her eyes tightly, and allowed herself to fall. In that moment, her soul exploded as if it was the creation of all things. It flared so brightly and so brilliantly that Bickslow had to shield his eyes, blinded by the iridescence of the young woman who had chosen to plunge to her death rather than return to her father, knowing that there would be no escape once she returned. Bickslow's heart ached at the agony Jude Heartfilia had caused. Bickslow couldn't help but smile sadly as the falling woman's soul seemed to reach for him also, twirling around him with a comforting warmth as if to tell him everything would be okay. The deafening scream of 'Natsu' met his ears before the scene went dark once more.

…

Although this memory displayed loyalty and a level of trust that Bickslow had never before witnessed in his entire life and shocked him to his core, it also contained the most turmoil Bickslow had ever seen. This young woman had forced herself to choose between death or emotional imprisonment, and the fact she chose death really exemplified the level of pain and torment Jude had caused. To elicit such a response from Lucy, the girl who seemed to love life, was frustrating to Bickslow. He could see how much pain her soul had been in before she chose to fall, and it pained him know that should those have been the final moments of her life, had Natsu not been there to catch her, then she would have died with more damage to heart and soul than any human should be capable of carrying.

In the small reprieve between memories, Bickslow examined Lucy's soul once more. She was looking at the scene with a sad smile on her face; Natsu's arm was around her shoulder and pulling her tightly against his side, attempting to offer a small solace of comfort. Her soul was shimmering awkwardly, as if it was confused on how to react and clearly imitating the girl it belonged to. Bickslow knew that it was difficult to appear sad when the thing that upset you had a pleasant ending, but Bickslow could also understand the young mage's turmoil. In those moments in the tower he could feel her restlessness, her confusion. The moment when she stood on that ledge, he could feel, as if it was his own soul, the magnitude of her choice in that moment. He could feel her pain, her depression, and more over, he could feel her resolve. This young woman would never return to her father and the plans he had for her. She would rather die as a member of Fairy Tail, than to live as a bride of a nobleman.

…

The scene skipped forwards once more and the trio found themselves watching as Lucy strolled through the familiar halls of the Hearfilia Konzern. She marched with pride and purpose towards the familiar doors of her father's study, dressed in an outrageous pink dress and adorned with jewels of royalty. All traces of the fear and shame she had felt when her friends had fought for her, forcing her to run away, were gone. Her soul was swirling with a genuine confidence he rarely saw from the girl.

Entering the study, Lucy apologised to her father for leaving, as her father condemned her choices and insulted Fairy Tail, blaming her for the injuries and pain the guild had sustained. He spoke of his plans for the future to expand the Heartfilia railway. Bickslow watched her soul through Jude's monologue, watching as it continued to build as the young woman grew in confidence, preparing for when she would decline her father officially, for the first time.

"I'm sorry father, but that isn't going to happen." Jude looked shocked, but Lucy wasn't finished there, her soul was slowly condensing, still fighting within herself. This was her father, her flesh and blood, and she was refusing him. This would be the last time she walked out on the man, and it was breaking her heart to do so. Bickslow thought back a few moments to the memory in which Lucy left initially. He remembered when she told them that despite what he put her through, he was still her father, and it was still difficult to run away the way she had. But this moment was different. She wasn't running away anymore, she was facing the man who had been the cause of many sleepless nights. The man who had broken her heart and her mind time and time again, who had hired Phantom Lord to steal her away and do whatever harm to Fairy Tail that they thought necessary. For the first and last time, Lucy stood before her father as Lucy Heartfilia, heir to his fortunes. From the moment she walked out of his office door, dress torn from her body, she left the name of 'Lucky Lucy Heartfilia' behind, then to become and to always remain 'Lucy of Fairy Tail'.

…

The scene ended and Lucy smiled through her tears. She was obviously saddened that she had left her father, broken about the way their parting had gone, and torn at the thought of how their relationship could and should have been. Her soul sought comfort from Natsu's, their souls joining far more easily than they had near the fishing hole as if they were always meant to be connected. It broke Bickslow's heart, but he once more focused on her scars, finding the next moment to cause her grief.

"Are you ready, Lucy?" She turned to him, allowing herself to relax somewhat, the smile she now wore looked genuine, relieved.

"Yeah." She murmured, her voice almost a whisper. Nodding his head, he grabbed for the memory he sought, and the world before them spun once more before stopping on a backdrop of rooftops and debris.

…

Bickslow had been waiting for this moment with great trepidation: the moment when he would finally appear in her memories to destroy her concept of family. He felt compelled to look away, to hide behind his mask in shame, but a soft hand holding his made him look on. This was their history, their first encounter, and he would watch it whether he wanted to or not.

The scene began in the moment when Bickslow greeted Lucy sarcastically from the rooftop of the Toy World. They watched as they conversed back and forth before Bickslow used his babies to attack, Lucy's soul seemed to swell at the prospect of fighting, surging and rolling like waves as it filled her with strength and confidence to fight. Summoning Sagittarius, Bickslow was somewhat shocked as he watched the younger Lucy's soul transfer into the Zodiac spirit, giving the centaur strength, as well as filling him with the love she felt for her spirits. Bickslow couldn't help but smile softly, it was just so her. He knew that to summon a spirit took a lot of magical power, and he knew that the stronger the mage was, the stronger the spirit would be, but he was unaware that celestial magic was such a deeply rooted form of summoning. A form of summoning that, similar to his own, relied on the strength of the mage's soul, as well as their magic. Refocusing his attention on the fight, Bickslow saw the last tendrils of golden dust as Sagittarius was defeated and returned to the spirit world. Bickslow noticed at this point that as the golden tendrils dispersed into the sky, the heart and soul Lucy had given to him retuned back to her, and he knew it was a visual representation of the love the mage shared with her spirits, it was the embodiment of them fighting together as she always proclaimed she would do. It was Sagittarius' last attempt to apologise for his failure, and to goad her onwards and continue to fight. Bickslow noted with grave sadness that the moment he stole her keys from her, he wasn't only disarming her, but he was taking away something far more integral than that, he had taken away a small part of her love and the love she felt each day and it pained him to realise that he too had broken her soul in more ways than one. Fighting the urge to lower his head in shame, Bickslow looked on as his babies performed their Baryon Formation. His heart in his throat, he realised for the first time how close his attack came to hitting her, and he felt himself deflate in relief as Loke came and saved her from his attack.

"Spirits aren't shields. I fight alongside them! That's my style!" Lucy declared as she rose to her feet and cracked her whip, face set in stone as she prepared herself for battle once more. Working seamlessly with Loke, it became apparent that the fight would become a long one. Resorting to his last move, the three onlookers watched as the memory of Bickslow revealing his Figure Eyes appeared before them. Looking back on his past, Bickslow felt a great wave of humiliation. Not only had he sunk low enough to remove Lucy's spirits from her, stealing the souls she vowed to protect and the love they shared, but now he had attempted to steal her soul from her too. Bickslow hadn't realised that he had lowered his head until he felt Lucy squeeze the hand she still held.

"It's okay, it's all over now and it worked out in the end." She smiled at him. She no longer held tears in her eyes, in fact, she seemed cheery despite the memories unravelling before her. Steeling his nerves, he gave the blonde a nod and watched the fight unfold, despite knowing the result, his heart went out to the memory of Lucy as she fought him, willing her strength and the power to be as victorious as he knew she would be. The fight continued until he was captured in Lucy's whip, but Bickslow was preoccupied by something Loke had said; 'love makes spirits stronger!'. Bickslow couldn't help but smile at the memory of that as Loke radiated the strength of Regulus. Despite knowing the battle was about to end in his defeat, Bickslow had never felt more victorious. As the flaming face of Regulus came to destroy him, Bickslow reflected on Loke's words and finally realised the extent of his similarity with Lucy. Both of their magic relied on love. It made their souls flare and become their strength that they then fed to their companions as they fought together.

…

As the scene darkened, he felt awed as Lucy wrapped her arms around him in a brief hug.

"Are you okay?" She asked, having already disregarded herself for the sake of another. For once in his life, Bickslow thought hard on the question. He often snubbed the question whenever it was asked of him, but this time he was determined to be honest. He was ashamed of his actions in the war against Fairy Tail, and even more so in his battle against Lucy, but he felt gratitude for the amazing woman he was able to meet and become friends with, he was grateful for her trust, and he was awed at being shown the love he often witnessed from her in the guild. He knew now that no matter what would happen, he would always be okay as long as he had this beautiful specimen in his life.

"I will be." He responded as honestly as he could, and he watched as the young woman eyed him critically, looking for traces of a lie. Finding none, she smiled brightly as if her face contained the sun and Bickslow felt a sudden need to cover his eyes. He felt undeserving of her warmth and care. She was far more and far greater than he had perceived her to be when she had asked him to help her, and he almost felt like it was a mistake to oblige.

"Good." She responded simply, her eyes were soft and intelligent, seeming to comprehend something he himself didn't know he was offering. Nodding to herself, she stood between the two men again as they looked on to the darkness between her memories. Scanning her soul, Bickslow found one more moment that seemed to radiate a different sort of pain to what the other memories had offered. Focusing on that moment of scarring, he looked at the girl beside him as she turned to him.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Ready." She nodded, and the darkness whipped around them as it shimmered into a bright colour, of forest greens and browns.

…

_"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."_

_~ John Green – 'The Fault in our Stars'_

…

**Okay, so there is one more bad memory chapter after this and then onto the good stuff!**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did, feel free to let me know :)**

**Happy reading!**


	8. Her Greatest Pain

**This chapter was quite conflicting for me because I was initially going to make it all set before the Tartaros Arc, but I'm all about giving you lovely reviewers what you ask for so in an attempt to show my gratitude, the second memory in this chapter will be dedicated to Alexa, who asked for it specifically. I hope you love it.**

…

The memory finally condensed to show the familiar backdrop of Tenrou Island. Bickslow had chosen this memory to be viewed next as it radiated a different form of pain. He had seen her soul losing its strength and slowly beginning to dim from the heartache, emotional and psychological turmoil, deep sorrow, and depression, she had felt in her short life, but this form of pain was dissimilar. This form of pain wasn't solely emotional but stemmed from a physical beating and led to a helplessness that she had very rarely felt. Even when she had been in the sky cell, her soul had been comforting and omniscient, but this time, Bickslow knew it was different. The trio watched as Lucy stared defiantly at Kain, declaring that she would fight him as he had attacked Fairy Tail. She summoned Taurus, but the force of his axe meant nothing to Kain, as he defeated the cow spirit easily. Deciding that she was clearly outmatched, Lucy began to run, though the chase was far too close as Kain followed in hot pursuit. Bickslow could feel the fear emanating from Lucy's soul as she ran. Taurus was the strongest spirit she possessed when it came to physical strength, and he had been defeated as if he was nothing more than an insect. The thought that she couldn't defeat Kain through strength was a frightening realisation, and she had been shown that not only was Kain deceptively strong, but also surprisingly fast. Attempting to slow his pace, Lucy summoned Sagittarius, her soul, as it had previously, filled the spirit with strength and love as he levelled his bow at Kain's legs and released an array of arrows. However, Kain merely struck out with his knee and the arrows were sent flying back towards the pair. Despite the spirit's shock, he quickly dived in front of the arrows in an attempt to offer his master one last semblance of protection before he too vanished back into the spirit world, gold tendrils left in his wake. As Scorpio too was defeated, Lucy came to the realisation that nothing was working, and as Scorpio disappeared, Lucy was left defenceless as Kain unleashed an attack aimed for the young girl who, unable to dodge, was struck directly. Bickslow felt irritation at Scorpio abandoning his master like that, but he was also pleased to notice that as the Scorpion spirit returned to the spirit world, he at least deposited the magic Lucy had used to summon him back into her magical reserves, allowing her to summon another spirit in his wake. However, Cancer, like his fellow Zodiac spirits, was easily defeated, and he too returned to the spirit world. Spirit after spirit Lucy had summoned, until she was left with minimal magic left and was unable to protect herself. The constant assault of attacks had damaged Lucy fair greater than she let on as she collided heavily with the ground at Natsu's feet after tumbling down a steep hill, avoiding Kain's attack by pure luck. Bickslow couldn't help but smile at the small reprieve of happiness as the original Team Natsu reformed, adjusting their attire and, as Natsu would say, getting fired up. The pair high fived, looking far more composed than they each had moments before. Bickslow noted how Lucy's soul seemed to grow in Natsu's presence. Moments ago, as she rolled down the hill, she was almost ready to retire, the bruising and beating her body had taken as her descent tore her skin, was far more than she had ever experienced before in such a small period of time. But now, as she stood beside her partner, their hands connecting for the briefest of moments as they readied themselves for battle once more, her soul seemed to reignite. Despite her wounds, she was ready to fight until her dying breath, and she would fight as hard as she could for as long as she could. Her resolve had been renewed and her soul simmered in anticipation of the fight ahead, spreading strength through her body.

As the battle commenced, Bickslow saw Lucy in the worst physical shape he had ever seen her. Her clothes were torn, barely clinging to her curvaceous form and stained with her own blood. As Kain slammed his heavy foot into the defenceless girls back, Lucy cried out, yet she refused to follow Natsu's advice and run. The trio watched as the young woman declared that she would never run away by herself, her soul swirling in a familiar motion as Bickslow finally heard the words he had always known of her to have said, With a wide smile on her face and a blush donning her cheeks, she happily proclaimed,

"It's always more fun when we're together!" And Bickslow knew that that was her attempt to soothe the fire mage before her. If she was about to die, as she thought she was, her last moments would be spent telling her best friend that she chose this, that she would never abandon him. Bickslow briefly turned his gaze to Natsu, both in the memory and in the man that stood a few feet from him; he could see horror and pain respectively. The realisation that Lucy's life depended on him freeing himself from the rocks that had crushed him in place was almost an unbearable concept, and yet he was faced with it. Bickslow refocused on the scene before him, the girl had been raised from the ground by Kain's large hand that gripped her head painfully and allowing the trio a moment to assess her wounds. Her hair was in disarray, her clothes torn beyond repair, splattered with more blood and dirt than Bickslow had ever seen on her. Her skin had begun to turn black and blue in some places and her hands were tensed as she struggled with the pressure on her head. But it was the state of her soul that frightened Bickslow the most. Her soul was practically non-existent. It was reminiscent of how it had appeared in the sky cell, yet so much less and so much more at the same time. It was curled tightly in a ball as it had been then, pulsating with energy, yet it seemed to have resigned itself to death, as if it was a star that would soon blink itself out of existence. Bickslow wanted more than anything to race forwards, to knock Kain out and save the young woman that he would never now call a damsel. But he knew he couldn't. Grinding his heels into the ground and clenching his hands into fists, Bickslow did the one thing he swore he would never do in any other circumstance other than the Grand Magic Games; he rooted for Natsu. Listening to Natsu scream for his partner as he struggled to escape the rockslide that pinned him in place, Bickslow watched as the memory of Lucy's soul reached out towards him, wrapping him up as a mother does a child in a blanket. Despite being told that her head would be crushed flat, despite knowing that she had no magic left to save herself, despite her only possible saviour in that moment being unable to reach her, she still attempted to comfort another, because in her mind, she would soon be dead, and what mattered after that fact was that the people she was leaving behind were okay. Screaming in pain as Kain crushed her head, the scene began to darken as consciousness was leaving her. It was only as the world became impossibly dim did Natsu save the day, as he always seemed to do.

…

Knowing that there was nothing more left to see, the memory ended and the scene darkened as Natsu used Mr. Cursey to force Lucy into what appeared to be the most painful vitory pose Bickslow had ever seen. Looking towards Lucy, who was glaring at Natsu, and Natsu, who was laughing ecstatically, Bickslow couldn't help but be incredibly overwhelmed by the woman who stood beside him. He had described her as beautiful because of her iridescent soul, and the love and forgiveness she seemed to exude on a regular basis, but now that he had come to learn more about her, about her past and what lead her to where she is now, he couldn't help but think that that description was lacking. She was far more than being merely beautiful. Beauty paled in comparison to this wonderful woman, he wasn't sure there was a word in any language that could describe how amazing she was.

"I think we can stop now." Bickslow said, he was pleased the scene, despite the tragedy it withheld, had ended with laughter. Looking at his two companions, Natsu nodded, his exhaustion returning twofold as he nodded in agreement. Lucy, on the other hand, looked conflicted about something. Bickslow had learnt better than to push the girl so he waited patiently for her to speak.

"Actually… There's one more thing I think you should see." She seemed hesitant, and those words in themselves seemed to display the internal debate she was having. Sharing a confused look with Natsu over her head, the pinkette shrugged.

"Alright Cosplayer, focus on the memory you want us to see and will it to take form." Nodding in determination, the girl closed her eyes. The darkness between memories soon broke as colours whizzed before them, clashing and exploding against each other and painting the world before them.

…

When Lucy opened her eyes, she was met with the one thing she never wanted to see again. The tunnels of Plutogrim were filled with water and Lucy was sailing down on a makeshift raft as Loke and Virgo fought against her enemies on her behalf. After summoning so many spirits successively, Lucy was low on magical power, and it was showing as she began to pant breathlessly, attempting to recover as her spirits vowed to end the battle quickly. However, Jackal soon arrived, and against so many enemies, two Zodiac spirits were clearly not enough. The young woman had no more magic power left to summon spirits and she was left to fight with Fleuve d'étoiles on her own. Temporarily forgetting the curse power Jackal possesses, Lucy was left open and unprepared for Jackals retaliation as he sent explosions down the length of her whip. Bickslow was shocked, as he often was by this young woman, despite being tortured with various explosions, Lucy still managed to pull herself up, clinging to a floating plank of wood, she asked the demon,

"What happened to my friends?" Bickslow was unprepared for the blow to his heart and found himself momentarily shocked. Once more she focused her attention on her friends and their safety, rather than her own. This incredible young woman was becoming more and more unfathomable in Bickslow's eyes as she continued to take the force of Jackal's torture. Explosion after explosion the young woman took until Bickslow was surprised she had even survived at all. Seeming to spend an awfully long amount of time underwater, Bickslow was on the verge of a real panic that he rarely felt, glancing at Natsu he could feel the man felt the same as he ground his teeth and clenched his fists. Both men were watching what could very well have been Lucy's last moment, and it was a testament to her strength and willpower that she was still alive at all. Bickslow watched as she floated in the currents, her soul was initially dim, mimicking the minimal magic she had left that was just able to keep her conscious. Bickslow was truly amazed as her soul began to swell, slowly growing and expanding, filling her entire being as her internal monologue filled her with the strength she needed to not give up. Faced with two demons of the Nine Demon Gates, having used every ounce of magic she had left, after being beaten and broken, this young woman was still able to fight. Her soul was becoming brighter than Bickslow could comprehend, looking towards Loke and Virgo, he knew her two spirits could sense it too. Their eyes were wide as all battles seemed to momentarily stop in anticipation for the young woman's death. Preparing another attack, Jackal released his largest explosion yet, but it only served to motivate the woman further. Screaming out her resolution, she raised her arm, a third golden key glowing in her hand.

"Not until I save everyone!" She screamed, there was a ferocity in her eyes that neither male had seen on her before. They watched with slack jaws as Virgo raced to her master, but at this moment, Lucy could no longer be stopped. Her soul was no longer the shimmering gold Bickslow had come to associate with her warmth, but it was now a deep fiery orange. The slight shift in colour may have meant little to the casual observer, but to Bickslow, it meant everything. She was filled with determination, there was no waver of doubt in her mind, or in herself. She was prepared to put everything she had left into this final summons, this final attack, and if she tore apart her own body and soul to do it, then she would, as long as it was for her friends. Her spirits screamed for her, as the words to summon Aquarius meet their ears. Falling into the water, her legs finally giving up their will to stand, Lucy begged, her consciousness hanging tediously on the verge of darkness.

"Please…" As the young mage hit the ground, a wall of water shot up behind her, the visage of Aquarius behind her as the spirit caught her master and held her close to her chest. The bright orange of Lucy's soul dimmed back into its usual gold, but it was far dimmer and smaller than it had been before, yet seemed to burn hotter at the same time.

"Idiot…" Aquarius muttered in her deep voice, allowing a look of rage to possess her face as she stared upon those who had inflicted such harm to her master.

"I'll say it one more time. You're an idiot." Lucy smiled widely as Aquarius attacked with a tidal wave, but it wasn't enough to stop the demons that stood before them as they vanquished both Loke and Virgo, before they dispelled the water in the tunnels. Lucy's body shook in agony as she cried a few tears, her soul fighting desperately to hang on as Jackal resumed his torture, Aquarius momentarily unable to move. Fighting the urge to scream, Lucy was left to Jackal's endless assault. Her soul was fighting, flickering and flaring brightly as she attempted to remain conscious; the pain in her body was palpable as she fought through it.

Aquarius struck back, defending Lucy from Jackal once more. The trio watched helplessly as Aquarius admitted she wasn't strong enough to defeat him, and told Lucy of something only she was capable of doing.

"Any Celestial Spirit wizard who can summon three spirits at once can do this. Summon the Celestial Spirit King!" They saw Lucy's shame as she admitted she didn't have his key, but Aquarius renewed her hopes, if only momentarily, before breaking her heart. Bickslow understood why Lucy had requested they see this moment. He could see her soul beginning to fracture, small cracks snaking their way upwards like a spider web. Lucy's face was one of shock as she discovered the price to summon the Celestial Spirit King. Her voice took on a tone of begging as she told Aquarius she would never do that to her spiritual friends. But Aquarius wouldn't listen. Her voice was softer as she continued to hold off Jackal.

"Destroy my key."

Beside them, Lucy seemed to break down, sobs were tearing through her throat painfully and Natsu immediately embraced her, holding her tightly to his chest as the two men continued to watch the scene with dreaded anticipation. No one had known how Lucy had managed to free them from the walls of Plutogrim, nor how she had managed to exhaust herself so completely to the point in which she could no longer move. Bickslow had never dreaded finding out the answer to something more than he did in this moment.

"I can't sacrifice one friend to save others! There must be some other way! I won't give up!" The young woman screamed her refusal, beginning to cry as Aquarius regretfully told her she didn't have any strength left. Attempting to reassure Lucy one last time, telling the woman that it would be good riddance for her.

"You can hate me, I don't care! I love you, Aquarius! You were my first friend… My…" She broke down into sobs, but Aquarius was glowing gold, her strength finally giving out on her as she began to return to the spirit world.

"What's important, memories?! The keys?! A feeling of guilt?! No! It's the power to save your friends! The power of a Celestial Spirit wizard! Do it! Destroy my key!" Aquarius' face was hard and determined; she was resigned to her fate. "You're the only one who can do it! Do it, Lucy!" Screaming herself hoarse, Bickslow watched with pain in his heart as Lucy sacrificed the last connection she had left to her mother. Despite Aquarius' words, the mermaid spirit had tears rolling down her cheeks as she disappeared into a brilliant shine of gold. The two men watched as the key of Aquarius shattered, and Lucy was left holding the handle as tears wracked her form and she screamed her heartache to the world, but her pain went unheard by any of her friends. As the memory began to darken, Bickslow focused on the young woman's soul. In all the memories he had seen thus far, he thought he knew what was the cause of her scars, never had it felt so horrible to be wrong. What he'd seen, it had been difficult, the flaring and dimming and dying of her soul as she had lost so much and gone through so much more, he thought he had seen everything there was to see. The damage he had witnessed would have been enough to break even the strongest of men, Bickslow was honestly surprised that this woman was even able to drag herself out of bed in the mornings. But he was once again shown something he never thought he would experience. Not only had this girl lost her mother at a young age, but she too had lost the love of her father, before too losing him. She had grown accustomed to considering herself weak, and even in the moments when she had everything to lose and nothing to gain, she rose to the occasion and found something to hang on to, something to fight for. But in this moment, the moment in which she had shown the true extent of her strength, she had lost everything. Bickslow was beginning to wonder if the good in the world would ever be capable of banishing the bad. Looking over at the pair, he could see anger in Natsu's eyes as he continued to hold Lucy to his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me, Luce?" Despite the rage on his face, he spoke softly, still comforting the girl. Bickslow was impressed by his self-restraint and maturity as he put aside his own emotions to care for his broken friend. Unable to speak, Lucy cried harder, and Bickslow felt himself slipping. The magic he had expelled would take a few days to recover, and he gently let go of the spell he had cast.

…

Waking up in the woods, Happy still muttering with his back turned to the trio and reeling in fish after fish, was a disorienting experience. As Lucy woke up, tears instantly filled her eyes, but she never let them fall as she forced a smile to her face. Bickslow's heart burst with pain at the image, whilst Natsu was looking between him and Lucy with uncertainty donning his features.

"Thank you, Bickslow." Her voice was raw from the crying, and Bickslow noted Happy startling at the sounds behind him, but he remained focused on the young woman.

"Don't hold back, Lucy." Natsu muttered, rubbing her arm up and down with his hand. She turned to him, shrugging him off and forcing another smile to her lips.

"I'm okay." Natsu's outrage returned, but this time, he clearly couldn't hold back.

"You're not okay, why didn't you tell me?! I could have done something, I could have helped you! I can't believe that after everything we've been through that you never said a thing!"

"Why did you leave?!" Lucy screamed in return, the tears had fallen and she was unable to stop them now. "Even if I had wanted to tell you Natsu, you left. You left me all alone…" Her screaming had trailed off into a whisper as she hugged herself, looking towards the ground. Natsu's face was one of shock as the realisation of the impact his leaving had finally struck home. The girl had lost everything in that battle with Tartaros, and after it was finally over, the one person who had been by her side through it all had abandoned her with nothing more than a note.

"Luce…" His voice was on the verge of breaking, his face contorted in agony.

"No! You don't get to do this! You don't get to apologise now! You left Natsu, you left, not me. Not ever. I would never have left you after Igneel… I would have never left you when you needed me most." She had begun to cry once more as she stood up defiantly, looking down on the fire mage as her soul shimmered in rage at her best friend. "Please," she whispered, "Don't follow me." And with that she took off, running back through the woods towards Magnolia.

…

_ "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."_

_~11__th__ Doctor (Doctor Who)_

…

**Phew! It's finally finished, though I'm not overly happy with it and may return later to edit parts. Feel free to let me know what you think of this chapter and the story so far.**

**Until the next chapter~!**


	9. I See Fire

**So I've had a busy week and didn't really have time to write so here this is! Finally… I'll be updating again as soon as I can but until then… **

** Hey there friends! It's time for chapter 9!**

…

Bickslow was concerned. He had been concerned ever since Lucy had asked him to help her. Sure, he had wanted to help, wanted to remove the ever-present graze her soul had accumulated, but the moment she asked he had declined for a reason. Because he knew he wouldn't be capable of it. Never in his life had it hurt more than it did in this moment, to be proved right.

Yesterday, as far as Bickslow was concerned, had been a disaster. Not only had he invaded Lucy's privacy by waltzing through her memories, forcing her to relive them, but he had also reopened the wounds that had been supressed. She had cried through the scenes of her past and at the end of it all, with her heart torn to pieces and her soul more vulnerable than it had been in many weeks, Natsu, of all people, had to tear apart the remnants of her soul. Bickslow felt a touch of irritation as he remembered the ill-timed questioning of the boy. He had driven her into a corner, a corner she couldn't steer out of, so she did as any caged animal would do. She lashed out. Bickslow knew it was the first time she had mentioned Natsu's leaving to him, the first time she had briefly touched on the effect it had had on her too. The look of pain and confusion and then rage on Natsu's face had told him that. As Lucy had fled the scene, she had asked not to be followed and Bickslow had obliged, knowing that anyone who had experienced what she just had would need time to express their emotions, to re-gather their thoughts. But after witnessing the pain in Lucy's life, if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Lucy needed someone to be with her. Each and every time the young woman had broken down in her past, in the dominant memories that Bickslow had witnessed, the most brutal, the most painful, and the ones to cause the most damage to her, she had been alone. She had no one to hold her together as she fell apart. She had no one to kiss her forehead and pick up her broken pieces and promise her everything would be all right. Bickslow wanted nothing more than to be that person, but he couldn't be, because as much as it enraged him, as much as it broke his own heart, it had to be Natsu. Natsu who made her soul shine more brightly. Natsu who she trusted with her life. Natsu who had always been there when she needed him. Natsu who had broken her…

Bickslow sighed, slumping in his seat. The raucous guild hall was doing nothing to distract him from the ache in his heart and the guilt gnawing at his stomach. As the guild doors swung open he found his body stiffening, his gaze shooting upwards, internally begging for the next entrant to have blonde hair and an exquisite laugh. To give him a timid wave as she flounced her way over to Gray, Erza, and Wendy. But each time the large oak doors swung open, he found himself disappointed. It was almost noon, the young woman was always at the guild by now, or had at least dropped by before grabbing a mission and her team and leaving once more. The fact that she had chosen to remain at home, alone; a thing she hated to be, rather than face her family, spoke volumes to Bickslow of how much their session yesterday had hurt her. The doors swung open once more and Bickslow glanced dejectedly as the pink haired dragonslayer entered the guild. Bickslow watched him, eyes narrowing to slits as the young man walked past the table containing his team in preference of a lone table. The members of Fairy Tail immediately noticed the mages change in demeanour. His face was sour, eyes cold, posture rigid. His tense form was begging for some form of confrontation, but his soul was hiding away, praying for a loneliness Bickslow had never seen anyone long for. Despite the situation, despite his anger and frustration, his heart went out the fire mage. He looked like he hadn't slept, dark circles forming under his eyes. His hair was more dishevelled than Bickslow had ever seen; his clothing seemed crumpled, as if he'd been wearing them for weeks. Most noticeable, was that Happy had chosen to fly straight to the table with his other team mates, leaving Natsu to brood on his own. Bickslow watched Natsu for a few moments, watching as his soul roiled, churning in circles in sync with his emotions. Bickslow steeled his courage, and deciding it was his turn, he rose from his seat and headed to the fire mage. Bickslow felt the eyes of every guild member on him as they discerned his path to Natsu, but Bickslow wouldn't be deterred. He was worried about Lucy and Natsu, and the storm of emotions in his own heart were becoming too much. They needed each other. They were two parts to one whole and they needed the other to heal themselves.

Reaching Natsu's table, the man in question looked up, eyes dangerously fierce and it took everything that Bickslow had not to turn tail and run. Forcing himself to sit opposite the mage, the two sat in silence, one looking on with rage, and the other with quiet contemplation. Bickslow teetered on the verge of asking Natsu how he was, but he chose not to, knowing that the fire mage would likely lie to cover up his own pain. Instead, Bickslow chose to look through him as he had done once before.

Natsu had always been difficult to read for Bickslow. Natsu had always been the type to express one thing and often feel another, the type of person that forced themselves to disregard their own feelings in the sake of aiding another. Bickslow knew his opinion wasn't one that was widely shared, but there had often been a time when the dragonslayer was injured beyond belief, but because someone needed him, someone relied on him, someone screamed his name, he would rise, on the verge of collapse, and continue to fight. He had seen Natsu embrace a member of the guild who was breaking apart before him, telling them that it would be okay, that they would survive, but the agony on his face was indescribable, as he forced himself to remain unbroken externally, while his own heart shattered. It was in those moments that Bickslow had decided that hugs were the most untrustworthy thing in the world. The ability to hide ones face while consoling another was inherently wrong, and watching Natsu had only reinforced this to the Seith mage. Bickslow had said this before and he would swear by it for the rest of his days; Natsu was selfless to a flaw. Lucy had asked no one to follow her, so no one had, but here Natsu sat, in dire need of the girl but he would never go, and all because she had asked him not to. Bickslow vowed to himself that before the sun set, he would convince the mage before him that it was necessary.

Looking through the man before him, Bickslow saw something he had never seen before. Natsu's soul was often times a fiery orange, burning red and gold as he created joyous chaos in the guild hall. His soul would light up the room like a dazzling blaze, shimmering in glee as he fought with Gray and Gajeel, all three of their souls mingling in an euphoria of colours as they collided their fists. Natsu's soul was the colour of the passion he brought to his fights, always bright and joyous and light. Bickslow often found it difficult to not smile whenever he saw the mage before him shout insults at his nakama, because his soul would be alight with mischief and a sensation of love and admiration that a person often lost as they transitioned from childhood. Natsu hadn't lost it. He still had that adoration, that sense of trust and loyalty that children possessed. Sure, there were days it didn't shine through as strongly, and days where it was so subdued you'd think his soul was about to burn out, the last embers of the flame, but as a flame often did, he was stirred back into life, his pain and grievances often forgotten as he joined the fray breaking out before him. But today, Bickslow saw none of the passion he was used to. Gone was the brilliant burst of colours he had grown accustomed to, become dependent upon. In its place sat a small burning ball of blue; the hottest part of the flame. Bickslow felt terror. Whatever Natsu was feeling, whatever he was thinking, it wasn't good.

Allowing his eyes to focus on the man rather than his soul, he saw what he dreaded. Natsu looked broken. Not just physically, in the way he slumped in his seat, but emotionally. His eyes were hollow, unseeing, as he glared a hole through Bickslow. The only movement in his body was his chest as he exhaled sharp breaths. Natsu looked dark, evil almost. Bickslow had the startling realisation that perhaps it was Lucy that kept Natsu pure. Natsu had often been described by his opponents as being inhuman, a demon, and never had Bickslow ever given such a description merit, but in this moment, as the man himself sat before him, he no longer saw Natsu, he saw defeat. He saw the monster stirring within, a mere breath from the surface. He saw as his soul seemed to grow, the blue flames extending their reach, crawling fingertips along his skin as his soul attempted to get the best of him. Swallowing his fear, Bickslow asked the most obvious question that he had promised himself he wouldn't ask.

"Are you okay?" For a moment, the two looked at each other, silence stretching between them. Natsu looked incredulous, a lone brow raising at the question. As the fire mage's mouth opened to answer, Bickslow cut in.

"Don't lie. I can see you're not okay. What I really want to know is what you're feeling. I can help."

"Like how you helped Lucy?" Natsu retorted hotly with a snarl. Bickslow was taken aback, his spine hitting the back of his chair rigidly. Natsu shook his head, hand running nervously through his hair before letting it slam down on the table. The resonating bang he produced caused the guild to stop as if Gray had frozen them solid.

"That was uncalled for… I'm sor-"

"Don't apologise. I had that coming." Bicklsow interrupted. The last thing he wanted was falsities. He wanted the truth, the truth from Natsu's perspective. He wanted to know what had kept him up at night, what had broken him, defeated him! He wanted to know why he hadn't seen Lucy. After a few moments, Natsu nodded, clearly coming to the same conclusion as Bickslow.

"I didn't sleep last night. I just kept playing it all back in my head, all the times she was crying and falling apart and I wasn't there to help her… I dunno, it probably sounds stupid but Lucy and I are partners and I should have been with her, I shouldn't have just left. I just felt so weak…" The admission took a lot from Natsu and he reclined into his chair, losing a few inches of height as he rubbed a hand down his face.

"I didn't want to lose anyone else. I spent so many years searching for Igneel and when I finally found him, all I could do was watch him die… I couldn't let that happen to Luce, to anyone. I went to train to get stronger so no one else would die for me, so I could protect my nakama. I didn't think what my leaving would do to her… I was being selfish." Natsu held his head in his hands, it was as if once he had began speaking he couldn't stop himself. His shoulders seemed to shake quietly and Bickslow found himself at a loss. Natsu was always strong, even when he wasn't, and now he was falling apart. Mirajane had never been more correct in Bickslow's mind when she had said that those who cry, cry not because they're weak, but because they have been strong for too long. Finding himself lost for words, Bickslow did the only thing left that he could; he watched Natsu's soul. The blue was flickering, it's wandering hands now reaching further than they had before, as if something was trying to take control of him and his unstable state.

"Natsu, listen to me." Natsu didn't move, his head still in his hands as he tried to stay together. "Natsu, please listen." The boy finally looked up, his tired eyes slightly pink, the sharpness to his face seeming softer, subdued.

"Tell her the truth. Tell her you did what you did so you could protect everyone, including her. Tell her you left so you could get stronger so you would never have to watcher her fall as you watched Igneel, as she watched her mother. Tell her that you never meant to hurt her, that you didn't know about Aquarius and if you had that you would have stayed with her until she had finished grieving. Tell her that you're not okay, just as she isn't. Tell her that you're broken too, that your heart is heavy and your lungs are heaving with the need to breathe but every breath falls short of filling you completely and you're left a mess on the floor who is struggling to breathe and unable to move because you're so petrified of watching her die. Tell her that, and she'll understand. She may not forgive you right away, but at least then she'll know why, and she'll be able to move on too. You're both holding on to this incredible pain and it's tearing you both apart. You need to forgive yourselves, and forgive each other, if I'm ever going to succeed in helping her, and you, for that matter. No one ever solved anything by sitting around and dwelling on their pain, you need to get out there and resolve it."

Natsu's face grew harder with determination as his soul flickered, teetering on the edge of blue and gold. He nodded once, his eyes brightening with the fierce loyalty that dictated his motions. The guild had slowly become more rowdy as their conversation progressed and at this stage it was back to its usual rambunctiousness. Natsu looked ready to enter the most difficult battle he had ever been faced with, his posture strong as he seemed to calculate his options and their outcomes. Suddenly, his stance dropped, falling back into his stumped stupor.

"What if she doesn't? What if it doesn't help and she still hates me?" Bickslow was taken aback.

"Hate you? Natsu, you have never been further from the truth. Trust me, I know I haven't been the greatest guild mate in the world, but you need to listen, if you only listen to one thing than listen to this. In every memory you were present in of Lucy's past, when she was falling apart, what did you do?" Here Bickslow stopped, watching Natsu intently as he seemed to think back on it, cheeks flushing slightly with the strain.

"I helped her?" It sounded more of a question but Bickslow decided to run with it.

"Exactly! You helped her. You caught her as she fell, you picked her up and dusted her off and you fought beside her or you comforted her. That's what you have to do now, for all the memories you weren't present in. You need to hold her and piece her back together as you've always done. Lucy needs you be the person you've always been, whether she screams at you to leave or not, you need to march right up to her and hold her. She may not know it but she needs you, and this, more than anything. If she falls apart on her own, we may not be able to pick up the pieces this time. So go and be the glue."

Natsu leaped from his seat, bolting out the door faster than Bickslow had seen him run. As the doors swung shut behind him, and the stunned guild eventually returned once more to their usual activities, Bickslow couldn't help but smile. Feeling like a proud older brother, he waited impatiently for the pair to return.

…

_"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one will go."_

_~T.S. Eliot_

…

**That quote is written on my friend's memorial and I love it so much. I thought it fit nicely so that's why I put it in there. **

**I wanted this chapter to be more like the first but it was hard to progress the storyline with that concept so I might do a 'His Soul' chapter as an alternate chapter at the end if I find it appropriate. I'm not sure yet, what do you think?**

**As always, happy reading~!**


	10. Hearts a Mess

**Chapter 10! Wow, double digits! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, or followed this story thus far, you're all champions!**

**…**

Lucy had spent her morning in bed. As the sun had filtered through her window with its dazzling midmorning rays, Lucy had turned her back. Grumbling about the warmth of her body, she hitched her blankets up tightly under her chin. Looking out across her apartment, she sighed.

"Why is everything so bright and… Pink?" She groaned to herself, hiding her head in her blankets in the hope that the sweet oblivion of sleep would take her away into a dreamless darkness. But as the minutes ticked by and the sun grew unbearably warm against her back, she knew her luck had finally run dry. Climbing out of bed with as much aggravation as her tired form would allow, Lucy marched with a purpose into her kitchen, set on finding the most sweet and delicious comfort food her cupboards possessed. Startled at the ferocity in which she had used in opening her own refrigerator door, as it wobbled on its hinges, she sighed. Looking between her hand and the door, the young woman decided that perhaps she wasn't quite ready for the peaceful process of eating, and a little relaxation was in order first. Gently closing her refrigerator door with exaggerated care, the blonde mage walked into her bathroom with the intentions of running a sizzling hot bath to calm her down.

As the young woman entered the bath, her knees lit up with a searing pain. Grunting slightly, Lucy looked down to notice the deep grazes on her knees and the bruises forming on her thighs and shins. Realising it was from the night before when she had run home blindly, tears blurring her vision spectacularly and forcing her to fall and crash into various objects, Lucy brought it upon herself to finally reflect upon the day before. She was happy that Bickslow had accepted her request for help, she was proud that she had made it through the memories without losing herself completely, and she was relieved she had finally told Natsu how much he had hurt her. The thing that hurt her now was the execution of it all. She had never meant to mention Igneel, never meant to yell at Natsu. Sinking into the hot water, Lucy fought off another bout of tears for the way she had treated her best friend. Despite how much he had hurt her, she knew she had hurt him just as badly, and it was her duty to apologise. Attempting to strengthen her resolve, Lucy noticed for the first time how hopelessly exhausted she really was. Barely sleeping a wink the night before, Lucy vaguely recalled Loke summoning himself and carrying her to her bed while she continued to cry tears worthy of a torrential downpour. Smiling at the kindness of her spirit, Lucy pulled herself out of the tub, drying herself off and dressing in comfy clothes, the young mage entered her living room and pulled out the golden key to summoned her faithful lion.

Upon his arrival, Loke said nothing, merely evaluated her, his eyes calculating as he took in her appearance.

"I wanted to say thanks." Lucy said quietly, an air of formality, never normally used around her spirits, saturated her words and she waited for his response.

"You're still not okay." It wasn't a question, he knew what his master was feeling and he wouldn't allow her to try and sugar coat it.

"No, not yet. I need to see Natsu." Loke's brow raised, he knew little of what had occurred, but when he had, unbeknownst to Lucy, watched over her in her rare moments of sleep, she had said Natsu's name in a whimper, as if nightmares were plaguing her and he lead them.

"I just wanted to say thank you." Her voice was barely a whisper and Loke sighed, he was uncharacteristically serious, and disagreed with the girl completely on what she needed to do, but he still cared for her. Pulling her into a tight embrace and resting his cheek on the top of her head, he said the words he knew she needed to hear most of all.

"We're all here if you need us. Don't be afraid to call." He felt rather than saw her nodding and feeling satisfied, he allowed himself to dissipate.

Left alone in her apartment, Lucy glanced around the room, everything around her seemed far too bright for her dull and depressed mind, and she cursed her decision to paint her walls pinks and whites as the colours clashed with her emotions. With a sigh, Lucy headed for the kitchen, stomach rumbling for breakfast whilst her mind screamed for sleep. Opening, the fridge, there was a knock on her front door, and with another longing glance at the food held within, she left the kitchen in order to play host. Upon swinging open her front door, Lucy froze. On the other side of her door stood none other than Natsu Dragneel, looking exhausted and depressed.

"Natsu..?" Her voice trailed off, the dark circles clouding his eyes were heartbreaking, and his dishevelled appearance told Lucy that he was just as exhausted as she was.

"Can I come in?" He asked, oddly formal compared to his usual choice of entrance. Unable to speak, Lucy nodded her head, stepping aside for the man to walk past her. Closing her door, Lucy turned to face him but he still had his back to her, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I wanted to apologise." Lucy cut in, not letting him speak first. He turned to her sharply, his eyes wide in shock and his mouth falling open slightly. "I didn't mean to say what I said, I was just upset." She rubbed her hand over her arm nervously, her eyes not once meeting his. Silence stretched between them and Lucy finally looked up, folding her arms across her chest and defiance written on her features.

"Aren't you going to say something?" She asked with aggravation.

"No."

"No?" She repeated incredulously, "What do you mean, 'no'?!" Her voice voice rose with her temper and Natsu knew he had to act fast.

"I mean, I don't accept your apology. You shouldn't be apologising at all Luce, I deserved that... What you… Yesterday." His voice seemed to lose strength as it petered out.

"I left you Luce, I left you and I knew how much you hated being alone. I should have taken you with me, or at least seen how you were after Tartaros… I just knew that if I did, I'd never be able to leave, and I had to leave."  
"But why?" Lucy asked, she could feel her sorrow resurfacing and she forced her eyes to remain dry.

"Igneel…" He clutched his scarf as he took a deep breath. "When Igneel died I promised him I'd get stronger, that I'd beat Acnologia. I couldn't get stronger if I stayed here, or at least not as quickly. I had to go." He looked ashen, his hand still clutching at his scarf as if it was the only thing keeping him together.

"Still, I'm sorry I left like I did, it wasn't fair. Please, just please forgive me, Luce." He was begging, and Lucy once more had to fight back the sudden urge to cry. Smiling slightly, Lucy responded in the only way she knew how.

"No. I don't accept your apology." Natsu looked appalled, his eyes lowering in shame, but Lucy merely smiled more widely. "You shouldn't be apologising to me at all, Natsu." His eyes shot up, as her words mimicked his own, and in that moment, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Lucy found herself smiling a little more, her sorrows easing monumentally in his presence.

"Yes, you left me, and yes, you know how much I hate being by myself, but you shouldn't have taken me with you. If you had, I would have slowed you down, I would have distracted you. Yeah, we would have had fun, but it wouldn't have helped either of us. I had some amazing experiences in that year, and even though I hated every minute of being by myself and I used all my spare time trying to locate you… I think it was good for both of us. Look how amazing and incredibly strong you are now! I think Igneel would be proud, and I couldn't take that away from you. You made the right decision." She smiled then, and for the first time since the previous day, it was from genuine happiness. Lucy was pleased when Natsu's own face seemed to mimic hers before it fell into an otherworldly sadness, making him look centuries old, it was as if he no longer had control of his features, the sadness settling in.

"But Aquarius, she's…" He teetered off, not wanting to say the word 'dead'.

"She's not dead. I just don't own her key anymore." Lucy whispered, unable to speak louder as her emotions created havoc inside her. The good vibes she'd been feeling earlier fled the scene immediately. She had known where his thoughts had led him and she could never allow him to think that.

His face brightened at the prospect that the mermaid was still out there, alive and well.

"I'll help you find her! Just like how we found Virgo and all the others! Just like the old days." He smiled in triumph, clearly pleased by his decision.

"Just like the old days?" Lucy said with a soft laugh, wiping the lone tear that tracked down her cheek before refocusing on the man before her.

"Yeah, like the old days." He reaffirmed in a whisper, the tense atmosphere had left and neither of them wanted to break the new feeling in the air, although neither of them could explain exactly what it was. They looked at each other, eyes never breaking contact.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Luce." But Lucy merely smiled in response.

"Don't be silly. You had training to do, remember?" Looking back into her apartment, Lucy seemed to contemplate something, before looking back at her best friend before her.

"Hang on a second, I want to give you something." Natsu stood patiently as she rummaged through the drawers near her bed. Natsu watched her, his eyes drifting to the bed of their own volition, conjuring memories of the nights he slept there, remembering its cloud-like softness. He knew that, surrounded by her scent and the warmth of the sun, he would fall asleep easily, and stay that way until nightfall. As his feet began to shift, Lucy reappeared in front of him, her left hand behind her back.

"Close your eyes." He did as instructed and felt her hand hold his, palm up, before her other hand descended and deposited a small, cold item inside.

"Open." She whispered. When he obeyed her command, her saw her looking down into his hand with a wistful expression before he allowed his gaze to wander downwards also.

There, in the palm of his calloused hands was the gold handle of Aquarius' key.

"Luce, I can't…"

"Don't tell me that. You can and you will, Natsu. Because together, we're going to find her again, just like the old days. This can be the symbol of our promise." He looked back up at her, her eyes filled with tears that she would never let fall.

"I want you to have it. Please, Natsu, take it." Natsu's throat felt dry as he struggled to swallow, nodding his head in affirmation, he clenched his hand into a fist around the handle, silently promising the woman before him that he would search for the mermaid spirit with as much vigour as he had when searching for Igneel.

"I don't have anything to give you, Luce, but I can promise you that I'll never leave again. Or at least if I do, I'll take you with me." She wiped at her left eye, the emotions in her were clearly becoming too much and Natsu wanted to sweep her up into his arms and pepper her head with kisses until she stopped crying, but he refrained, uncertain as to what she wanted herself.

"You weren't being selfish." That was the last thing that Natsu had expected to hear come from her mouth. But the way she smiled, the way her eyes glistened, he knew that she could read him like the books she adored so much, and this time she was more accurate than she had ever been. Looking up at him, she smiled her all-knowing smile. Through the unobstructed view of her eyes and face, Natsu was pleased to see that it didn't look like she was holding a world of pain behind her eyes anymore. That she wasn't using all the strength she had just to turn her lips upwards.

"You weren't being selfish, Natsu. Don't you dare think it, ever again." Throwing her arms around the boy she held him close, not a breath of air between them, and finally she allowed herself to break down. She sobbed loudly and Natsu knew instantly that this wasn't just because of him, it was because of the day before, of her sleepless nights and the tsunami of emotions that no human being would ever be able to sort through, washing and wading through her heart and soul. Scooping her up into his arms, he held the whimpering blonde, finally allowing himself to kiss the top of her head, murmuring sweet nothings into her hair as her crying continued to tear his heart apart. Finally allowing himself to sit on her bed, back against the wall, Natsu held her tightly in his lap.

It took about ten minutes for Lucy to cry herself to sleep. Still clutching the front of his shirt and scarf, she slept peacefully. Her body still as if all the energy had been drained from it. Knowing that there would be no possible way to extricate himself without waking her, Natsu allowed himself to close his eyes, readjusting her slightly so that both of them were more comfortable. Closing his eyes and holding tightly onto the woman he called his best friend, Natsu allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

Their hearts lighter, and more connected than they had been since he had left over a year ago, the two slept blissfully and dreamlessly, soft smiles adorning both of their faces.

**…**

_"I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary."_

_~ Margaret Atwood_

…

**Another chapter done! Let me know what you think, yeah?**

**Happy reading~!**


	11. Joy of Joys

**I only intended this to be a one shot, and then I decided on about seven chapters. Now I'm up to 11! The inspiration for this story comes from all of you who take the time to review, favourite, or follow. It lets me know that at least someone is reading this and I hope you all continue to enjoy it.**

**ALSO! Sorry for the late updating, uni is back and I've had some family troubles so this story unfortunately fell behind.**

**Onwards and outwards!**

**…**

When Natsu and Lucy entered the guild the late following day, soft smiles on their faces and laughter in their wake, Bickslow was completely unsurprised. The guild watched them closely as they made their way towards him, clearly noticing a difference in their relationship. Allowing himself to peer more deeply, he could see the way their souls interacted, swirling around each other and themselves, joining and chasing as if in a never ending game of tag. Bickslow allowed himself a small smile at the victory; they were friends again, perhaps even closer than they had been before.

"Please tell me that we're done training." Lucy said in lieu of greeting, Natsu unsuccessfully held back a smirk and Bickslow allowed himself a slight chuckle. Slotting themselves into the empty seats beside him, the two waited patiently for his response.

"There's one more thing I need to show you." Bickslow responded cryptically. He had noticed their souls intertwining joyously, but he could still see the cracks in Lucy's soul that had been inflicted the day previous. Natsu's soul was trying hard to mould it back together but there was only so much he was capable of, best friend or not. Lucy groaned, and Natsu looked worriedly between her and Bickslow, a silent question on his face, but Bickslow wasn't giving away anything. This was the day he had been looking forward to since he had agreed to help her. Today was the day he would finally get to help.

…

Bickslow led them silently through the streets of Magnolia, Lucy seeming to be mentally preparing for the emotional turmoil she was certain would be inflicted. Natsu spent the entire walk shooting glances towards her, attempting to offer some semblance of comfort without really knowing what he was meant to be offering comfort for. Meanwhile, Bickslow found himself smirking, the entire situation being somewhat humorous to him, as he was the only one who knew what was coming. The trio walked on in silence, Bickslow manoeuvring a path through the crowd in which the other two would follow.

"What are we doing here?" Lucy asked as she noticed the familiar park they had first come to. Only when they had reached the seat they had sat on initially, surrounded by the laughter of families, did Bickslow turn, smile still in place, and offer her question a response.

"I've shown you love... in the world." Bickslow tacked on quickly at the glare Natsu shot him, "I've shown you your greatest sorrow and your biggest heartaches. Now it's time that I remind you of the love in your own life. Are you ready for that, Lucy?" The smile that took over her face told Bickslow everything he needed to know as he took a seat and looked out over the park, motioning the two others to join him.

As if it had been rehearsed, the three mages grasped each other's hands gently, and closing their eyes as Bickslow muttered the incantation they needed.

"Teste animae. Testis est amoris. Free corde."

**…**

The darkness that followed was familiar; yet somehow more comforting than it had been the previous time, more friendly and warm, like a blanket. The trio heard soft giggles and squeals before their eyes adjusted and they found themselves greeted with the familial scene of Lucy and her parents. Gone was Jude's cold professionalism, replaced with a twinkle in his eye and a quick grin to his lips. He was outside, holding a young Lucy's hands and spinning in circles as her legs flew out from under her. Layla was nearby, sitting on a picnic blanket, laughing along with her daughter. The love in the air was palpable, the sun's rays seemed to pail in comparison to the warmth in the family's hearts and on the young girl's face. At the bellow of Jude's boisterous laughter and the squels of little Lucy, Layla called them over for lunch, and father and daughter grasped each others hand as they hurried over to the waiting woman. Bickslow allowed a few moments for the memory to flood Lucy before he quickly changed the scene, hoping to flood her with uncontrollable joy.

The darkness quickly gave birth to a bathroom, with bubbles overflowing the tub as little Lucy splashed her mother, the pair laughing with such reckless abandon that the two boys found themselves laughing with them, Lucy failed at a glare and quickly joined in with their chuckles as bubbles ran along the tiled floor towards their feet. They watched as Layla splashed little Lucy in return before glancing around herself conspiratorially.

"Are you ready for some big splashes, Lucy?" She had a smirk on her lips and a glint in her eye as the young girl looked at her mother in confusion. Pulling out a familiar golden key, Layla quietly cast the incantation that the three onlookers knew all too well and soon the mermaid spirit appeared. Lucy's shouts of euphoria echoed off the bathroom walls as Aquarius cracked a smile, nodding respectfully to Layla, she summoned various creations with her water magic to the sounds of childish delight.

Bickslow glanced at Lucy; somewhat concerned for her emotional response regarding the news she had shared with them recently. But Lucy was strong, tears of sadness and joy filled her eyes but there was a smile on her face as she continued watching the scene unfold. Natsu reached out and held her hand, offering a semblance of support and warmth, a beacon in her broken heart and she leapt at it. Her soul had started with cracks melding together but now her soul was reaching for Natsu's pulling his soul into her own and gluing itself together with barely a scratch or a crack to say it had been injured in the first place. Bickslow felt himself smile as he flicked to the next scene to have caught his attention.

They were in Hargeon, the market place covered in rubble and left as a scene of absolute disaster. Lucy sat sprawled on the cobblestone street, watching fearfully as the Rune Knights ran, full speed, towards her, her eyes widening in response to their shouts. As quick as fire catching on kindling, a tan hand reached down to her, distracting her line of vision. Following the toned arm they watched as Natsu smiled widely, eyes closing with the effort, as he dragged her to her feet, demanding her to join Fairy Tail in a manner that brooked no argument. Watching the scene, the three mages smiled as Natsu all but hauled Lucy down the street, their laughter at the chaos they created streaming behind them like a taunting banner to the knights pursuing them. As the scene darkened into blackness, Bickslow glanced out of the corner of his eye at his companions. They were smiling at each other, Natsu's hand still clutching hers as his fingers unconsciously tracing the pattern of her guild mark. Bickslow offered them as much space as he could provide whilst he flickered through Lucy's memories once more.

Bickslow watched as the memories seemed to form a montage before them, each scene somehow involving Natsu in some form or another, whether they be on a mission, in the guild, or walking the streets of some city or another, but Bickslow wanted something different, something they hadn't seen the likes of yet, a memory that wasn't so regular as a hand holding or a hug, something more heartfelt than Natsu's usual spiel about nakamaship and relying on ones friends. It took a few moments but Bickslow finally found two scenes that showcased he'd been looking for. Smiling to himself, he turned to his companions in the darkness, a little displeased at having to break this moment, but happy all the same at what he would show them next.

"There are two more things I want to show you." He smiled as they jumped apart, clearly having forgotten he was still there.

"Only two? Is my life really that depressing?" Lucy asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice as she all but glared Bickslow down.

_'Mavis can this girl glare, she's worse than Erza!' _Bickslow thought to himself, amusedly.

"I can guarantee that there are more memories containing happiness Lucy, but they're similar, and you can reflect on them later yourself. I want something you may have forgotten, something that forces you to see the love, and I'm going to do it a little differently than these last expeditions."

"Differently?" Natsu asked at the same time that Lucy growled and muttered incomprehensible words about Bickslow's brazen words.

"I see auras. That's how this whole thing started, I saw Lucy's was breaking. Well this time, I'm going to show you what I really see."

"Meaning..?" Lucy drawled, clearly trying to get him to explain in more detail. Biting back a chuckle Bickslow knew she wouldn't appreciate, he settled on a smirk instead.

"I was always better at show than tell." He winked. Lucy rolled her eyes and Natsu just continued to stare at him, blinking slowing in confusion.

"Just trust me." Bickslow muttered as he once again gripped Lucy's hand as she held onto Natsu's.

"Testatum habemus animae corde et caritate dimissum. Ostende nobis Spiritus!" The darkness seemed to spin, starting slowly at first but gradually becoming faster and more hurried.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Natsu blurted, his mouth comically enormous as he attempted to hold in his breakfast, one hand rushing to hold his stomach as the other covered his mouth, his face slowly morphing from purple to green.

As abruply as the darkness had started swirling, it stopped, throwing all three forwards as they attempted to regain control of their stomachs.

"Never do that again." Lucy murmered heatedly before taking a moment to catalogue her surroundings. They were standing on the street, more precisely, they were standing opposite Lucy's house on the far side of the canal.

"Why are we he-' her question trailed off as she glanced around. "Whoa..."

**...**

_"… As we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."_

_~ Timo Cruz (Coach Carter)_

**_..._**

**Teste animae. Testis est amoris. Free corde (Bickslow's spell) translates loosely to: 'Witness the soul. Witness the love. Free the heart.'**

**Nos testes animae amor cordis liberati sumus. Ostende nobis deus spiritum (Bickslow's second spell) translates loosely to: 'We have witnessed the soul, the heart, and the love has been freed. Show us the spirit.' **

**So I'm not super happy with this and it may be a bit rushed but there were so many good times to show Lucy that to get through them all I could either write out the entire show up to now or cut it all back.**

**Happy reading~!**


	12. Love and Light

**But wait... There's more!**

**...**

Natsu and Lucy spent a few moments taking everything in, their heads swivelling in such quick motions that Bickslow was impressed they didn't fall right off.

"What is this?!" Bickslow noted the slight edge of hysteria, she was panicking. "Things are coloured! And the colours, they're, they're, they're... moving?" Bickslow smiled at the confusing yet apt description.

"They're called auras. And everything living has one. This is how I see the world, well, at least how I see it when I use my Figure Eyes." He turned to them then and offered a quick, self depreciating smile, his crimson eyes coloured a fluorescent green, before turning back to the memory before them.

"The spell I cast allows you to see what I see. Look at yourselves, you'll see your own auras." Taking in his advice, the two teammates looked down at themselves, noticing for the first time that they too were bathed in iridescent colours. Lucy watched as her shimmering gold aura seemed content to mingle with Natsu's own, twirling peacefully in a melodic dance. Lucy smiled, realising for the first time that the movements of her aura, sluggish yet content, was quite remarkably how she would describe her own feelings. She smiled widely up at Bickslow.

"This is amazing, you really do have a marvellous gift." Her voice was reverent in a way Bickslow would never have thought possible when describing his magic. Cursed was a word he would use, being forced to watch people's emotions was never something he enjoyed, hence his mask, but the way Lucy described it, like it was the most wonderful gift in all of creation, not just Earthland, well, he felt a swell of pride.

"Thanks." He muttered, feeling a heat in his cheeks that he was unfamiliar with, the two shared a moment, simply gazing at the other and seeming to take it all in.

"Hey, look at that, it's the Rainbow Sakura Tree!" Natsu exclaimed, pointing excitedly down the canal as the tree floated up to them.

The tree itself was miraculous. It was shimmering a beautiful rainbow, not just the sakura themselves, but the aura of the tree, true to its namesake, was a rainbow, the branches of glimmering aura seemed to twine and knot itself around the tree, enhancing the already incredible image. They watched as tree slowly drifted up the canal, easily ignoring the small commotion taking place beside them. Watching the tree rather than the memory, Bickslow had to motion her to gaze at something else. Looking up into the window of her own house, Lucy saw herself. The young woman clearly looked unwell, her face pale and her face flushed, but it was the aura that made Lucy gasp. She had always considered herself to be a moderately happy woman, with a few ups and downs in her life, the same as everyone, but what she witnessed made her reconsider. The aura before her was absolutely radiant. It wasn't just the gold shimmering Lucy had seen when she glanced down at herself, but the Lucy before her had streaks of orange and pink. She watched as her past self gazed at the Rainbow Sakura tree with a whisper of a smile on her face. She looked peaceful. Her aura reached out to the tree, attempting to twine with the beauty of it, despite her aura's best efforts to connect with the majesty of the tree's own aura, they sparked off one another, clearly incompatible, but continued to move in a complicated dance, touching and retreating. The aura of the tree seemed to settle atop Lucy's own reaching aura, momentarily tinting the colours into red and green, before moving on its uncontrollable path down the river. As Lucy's aura retracted to continue occupying the window with its owner, the trio noticed another aura reaching for hers, and followed the path the mingling aura's caused.

Peering out from a nearby alleyway was Natsu and Happy. Happy's aura was a simple aqua, bubbling and light as Happy almost always was. But it was Natsu's that the trio paid particular attention to. Because Bickslow had seen aura's before, but never quite like this. Natsu's aura started close to his body, a fiery red and orange as predictable of his association with fire, but it was the adaption to include Lucy's shade of gold that was particularly intriguing.

"Wow." Lucy whispered as she watched the young Natsu watch her smiling blissfully from the window. Natsu was staring at her intensely, whilst the crowd of onlookers marvelled at the beauty of the Rainbow Sakura tree, Natsu watched Lucy as if she was just as rare and just as beautiful as the colourful flowering petals. Lucy blushed, glancing from the young Natsu back to her companion at her side, only to find his gaze already focused on her.

"What were you doing there?" She whispered, her pink cheeks slowly darkening at his intensity.

"Making sure you saw the tree." He whispered hoarsely, his eyes searching her face. The two watched each other intensely, eyes never wavering even as the scene before them continued to unfold. It was as if the world comprised of only the two of them, and Bickslow hated the fact he was going to have to intervene.

"Not that this isn't totally romantic and everything, but there's one more moment you should see." At Bickslow's voice, the two teens had torn their gazes from each other, each flushing at his words, before turning back to each other and exchanging small smiles.

"Last one?" Lucy asked Bickslow, and he offered a small nod.

"Yeah, last one."

…

The trio of mages rubbed their heads as a new swash of aura's overtook their vision. It was overwhelming and intense, but Lucy was enjoying the feeling that had nestled inside her chest at the sight of everything so bright and cheerful. Taking stock of her surroundings, Lucy instantly knew where she was.

"My house?" She muttered, glancing at Bickslow with a raised eyebrow. He merely shrugged and motioned over towards her bed. Following his gaze, Lucy found herself confronted with a scene she had instantly adored, but also forgotten about.

Natsu was sitting on the floor, back pressed against the side of her bed, his hair almost disappearing into the matching pink of her duvet. Happy was sprawled on the bed near his head, and Lucy noted for the first time that Natsu was sleeping rather demurely, as opposed to the times he usually took over her house. His aura was a fiery orange, but somewhat subdued, like a sleepy kitten, rolling belly up in the sun. She smiled at the scene, ignoring the quiet conversation between Bickslow and Natsu. This was the first time she had seen Natsu completely silent, he wasn't even snoring, no mumbles in his sleep, he was completely still. The steady exhale was the only sound in the room and Lucy, as always, found it to be reassuring. Before she was even aware of it, she noticed the aura surrounding herself reach outwards, a desperation in the sporadic movement of its tendrils, and Lucy felt the same longing. She wanted to curl up next to him, to place her exhausted head on his shoulder and sleep peacefully beside him. This was a rare moment of lull in Natsu's boisterous cacophony of noise and she felt drawn to him in a way she hadn't felt in a long time. Physically stopping herself from walking up to her best friend's sleeping form, she turned to the two boys behind her.

"Why are we here?" She all but whispered, knowing the sleeping Natsu couldn't see or hear her didn't stop her being courteous of the sleeping man.

"I'm reminding you of the love in your life, Lucy. You do the math." Lucy rolled her eyes and attempted to ignore her blush as she turned back around to the sleeping Natsu. She was growing irritated with all the blushing and vowed to herself that she wouldn't blush again for at least a month.

The trio turned as Lucy entered the apartment, and the memory. Her eyes bugging out of her head at the scene of Natsu in her apartment again, but after watching him a moment, her gaze turned from shocked and abhorred to soft and considering. Her gaze finally settled on a sombre sort of appreciation as she allowed the male to continue his slumber. The trio watched as, similar to their own Lucy, the memory version's aura reached forwards, smothering Natsu as if it were a blanket. Natsu's own lazing kitten like aura seemed to bat at Lucy's capturing a piece of her aura in his claws and holding onto it like a prized possession. The scene slowly darkened, leaving the trio in the black in-between, before Bickslow revoked his Figure Eyes and allowed the memory invasion to end. It was sundown when the trio opened their eyes in the park, the slowly setting sun reminiscent of the aura's they'd seen.

"Wow…" Lucy muttered, glancing around at the aura-less park and somehow finding it to be a little hollow after the majesty of what she'd just witnessed. Bickslow seemed to notice her slumping and smiled, nudging her shoulder with his own as he had done the first time they'd sat on this bench.

"They're still there." He said softly, both Lucy and Natsu turning to him with twin looks of confusion and hope on their faces.

"The aura's are still there, you can see it without having to see the colour you know." Their confusion seemed to grow and Bickslow rolled his eyes under his helmet.

"Okay, look out at the kids." The pair did as they were told, looking out over the families packing up for the day. "They're happy, ecstatic, and maybe a little sad that the day is over and they have to leave. You can hear it in their fading laughter and the expressions on their faces. They're flushed with joy, overcome with exhaustion, but they're still running around, hoping to catch a few last minutes of daylight before they're dragged home for bed. Happiness is often different colours for different people but its brightness; it's fluid and all encompassing. It's passionate. It's all of those colours that you picture when you think of those moments, those emotions. It's reds and oranges, it's yellows and silvers and gold. It shimmers and it arcs and it dances with other's joy but it always comes back to you. It may waver, but it never breaks, not completely. That's what you should see when you look at those kids. You should see their trust and their love and their reckless abandon. You don't need to see their aura, to see their aura. You know it's there." Bickslow trailed off as he too watched the children get rounded up by family and friends in the fading light of day. He glanced at his two companions, the last light of the day illuminating their faces before slowly fading into dusk. Lucy finally turned to him, a wide smile on her face and tears of joy in her eyes. Bickslow smiled softly as he noticed her hand intertwined with Natsu's own, he didn't need to see her aura to know the cracks had been sealed, and he allowed himself a small moment of pride to well in his gut at what he had accomplished. He'd saved the light of the guild. Opening her mouth, she let out a small stutter that her tears had forced from her, wetting her lips her smile widened impossibly so, her eyes closing a moment before opening again and focusing on the sky instead as the first stars began to twinkle.

"I can see it."

**…**

_"After all this time?"_

_"Always."_

_~ Severus Snape to Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)_

**…**

**So this was two updates in one day. I also intend to put up one more chapter either today, or tomorrow some time; depending on when I finish it. But the last chapter is more of an add on, rather than progressing the story.**


	13. His Spirit

**Let's take a look at Lucy's side.**

**…**

He had a wonderful spirit. It was one of those things he tried to deny, the self-depreciating man that he was, hiding away behind his helmet. His soul seemed to quiver, vibrating with an intensity she had scarcely seen. His spirit was like a puppy, wanting attention, wanting love and affection, emotions he too often denied himself. He was the type of man who would betray everything he knew if it meant supporting his family, if it meant tearing his spirit apart. His spirit was always alight with affability and charm, but he never allowed himself to show it, hiding away his spirit as he hid his face behind his mask. She didn't know when she had started calling it a mask, rather than a helmet, but she felt that the word somehow fit better. Everything about this man, this mad, wonderful man, was a mask, an alter ego he projected to the world because being who he really was, was far more damaging on his already fragile character. He was softness, and kindness, and caring all rolled into the insecure package that was Bickslow. And it sliced her heart in two.

She wished for once that he would stop hiding, that he'd step out into the light. That he'd remove his mask and show off the intelligence he kept hidden, show his startling crimson eyes and the streak of blue that was his hair. She wished that he could see how unprecedented he was, how totally and incomparably necessary. But he never did. He remained hidden, like a secret that could never be told. His self-imposed exile from everything joyous around him told more about his spirit than she could ever truly explain. The way he shunned himself from activities, watching as the guild exploded into chaotic hilarity around him, she had noticed he rarely, if ever, allowed himself a moment of reprieve from his own self-loathing and join in the festivities, and when he would, he would smile in that way that told her his mask was firmly in place, his spirit protesting at the violence of its cage, slamming against its iron prison in an attempt to be free, to run and scream and play like a child on a sugar rush. But he had far greater control than she had thought possible, and she was cursed to once again watch in agony as he acted the role of the guild's jester.

He was the epitome of broken, trapped in a never-ending loop of self-deprecation and falsehood. He wasn't who he pretended to be, that much was obvious. He once said that _'sometimes, the courage to leave a nakama is necessary' _but she knew he would never abandon his friends, going so far as to cause devastation if it meant supporting even one.

Despite his façade of a joker, his imitation of the court jester, he was inconceivably lonely. He surrounded himself with people but his spirit still waned, misunderstood and most often times feared by those he defended. He was defeated, a broken man, unable to change who he is and unwilling to give up his pretence of normalcy. But he wasn't entirely normal, he was greater than that, he was so very important to everyone in the guild and yet his fear of being feared forced him to construct a wall, forever blocking him from truly connecting with anyone. He was who he thought they wanted him to be, and the violent protestation of his spirit was a warning to anyone who could see spirits as easily as she could, he was on the verge of breaking entirely, shattering into tiny pieces of glass that would slice their way through you if you even attempted to repair the form they had once created; a form so pure and so perfect and so innocent that no one could ever accurately recreate it.

He may have been feared, he may believe he was unwanted and unnecessary, but he wasn't. He had one thing that no one else in the entire guild could ever possess, at least not in the same sphere as he had. He had a wonderful spirit. A spirit that, despite the years, would grow and mature and develop into a shining beacon that warranted admiration from all those he passed. And if he ever removed his mask, if he ever showed you the light of his spirit, of his heart, then you would be irrevocably touched by the majesty of this man. Because that man, the self-depreciating, self-sacrificing, impossible man, was all anyone could ever need, and he didn't even know it.

**…**

_"I have hated the words and I have loved them and I hope that I have made them right."_

_~Markus Zusak (The Book Thief)_

**…**

**The [official] end. **

**And an enormous 'thank you' to the lovely readers who took the time to read my story. I know it's taken a long time to finally be released, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same. **

**To those who reviewed, favourited, or followed this story, you mean everything to me, and the inflow of emails while I was writing the last three chapters is the reason I posted them all on the same day. I love you all.**

**Carry on you lovely readers~!**


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